My best friends have always been boys. As far as I can remember, I’ve only ever had three or four best friends that were girls. One moved away, the other switched schools, and the most recent one hurt me.
I don’t mind having male best friends, but you can’t have sleepovers with them. You can’t hang out with them a lot, or people start calling you boyfriend and girlfriend. You can’t tell them who you think is cute, or who you have a crush on. It just doesn’t work.
But I’ve always been the kind of girl that doesn’t care what she looks like; who maybe brushes her hair once, just enough to untangle it; who doesn’t’ date; who doesn’t have her ears pierced or wear makeup. Don’t get me wrong, I get asked out all the time, but not only do I have no desire to date, but it’s award when you date one of your friend’s friends, or have to choose among them. But I still want someone I can confide in, someone to share secrets with.
I think part of the reason I don’t like girls is that although they mature a little faster, they do the gossipy clique stuff more. I can’t stand that. Plus, I like to run, or get dirty. I enjoy it.
But the other part is that the last time I really trusted a girl, she hurt me. So I don’t really know how to trust them anymore. Boys have never hurt me. So I stick to them. I try not to show it, but I want to have a best friend. A girl one.
All the other kids came to my school in groups and pairs. I didn’t. I had to make my own clique. Most of the girls had known each other a long time, and I might like one person, but I didn’t like the people they hung out with. Most of them weren’t willing to give their friends up for someone they hardly knew.
So I gathered boys. I fit in with them better. My clique now consists of the oddballs, the ones who fit in with no one else. I’m fine with that. I have really good friends in it. Plus, they’ve all learned to not try to make me their ‘girlfriend,’ because if they do, they lose me entirely.
But I still want a girl to hang out with. I need it. I just need to learn to trust again.