Let the Hope Rise

March 24, 2012
By Anonymous

I’ve always gone to church, but God wasn’t always first in my life. I just hadn’t had a real relationship with Him yet. But I did know that I wanted to know Him.

In the first week of my 7th grade year, I was rushed to the hospital in Duluth with a temperature of 104. Within the next two days, I was diagnosed with a rare infection called MRSA. The MRSA attacked my muscle, bone, tissue and ligaments in my right knee. Over the next three weeks, I had 7 surgeries to rid my leg of the infection. I spent the rest of my 7th grade year progressing from a wheelchair, to crutches, then to walking braces. I was finally able to walk by myself 4 months after my surgeries. And that was a huge accomplishment, something to be thankful for. My doctors didn’t think I was going to survive. They didn’t even know if I would be able to keep my leg.
A year later, October of my 8th grade year, I started having pains in my leg. Once again, I was rushed to the Duluth hospital. The MRSA was back. That’s when I started losing hope. I had one more surgery, this one far more invasive than the last 7. It left me with two holes in my femur and 6 months of recovery. Every day, I woke up with a bit less faith than the day before. I had already been through this once, why again? Why,God, do I have to go through this? Why me?
By February, 4 months later, I was lost completely. My parents started to fight, threatening to get a divorce. My only sister was in Panama for a foreign exchange, so I was left alone to listen to them argue every night. I pulled away from my friends, only leaving my house to go to school and sports. Every night, I cried myself to sleep, exhausting myself by sobbing. I felt like my life was falling apart. After that wasn’t enough, I began to cut. Every night, pulling a razor across my wrists, watching myself bleed. And I knew it wasn’t right. I knew that this wasn’t how God wanted me to be. Who had I become? Cutting myself and pulling my sleeves down cover my scarred wrists? My best friend, Cameron, you see her right there? I couldn’t even look her in the eye to tell her. I was too ashamed. I knew I needed help.
One night, laying there in my bed, tears drying on my face, I had a flashback to one of my first surgeries in 7th grade. I remember getting prepped for the operation, one of my surgeons came up to me and kneeled by my bed and took my hand in his. “Can I ask you something?,” He asked me quietly. “Are you a Christian, do you believe in God?” I remember nodding, a little bit confused. “Because all your surgeons are calling you their miracle girl. They don’t know how your surviving. As your fellow Christian, I’m telling you right now that God is with you. He’s helping you through this right now. Remember that, if you can’t remember anything else: God is with you.”
I’m not sure why I never remembered that moment before then. It was like God was giving me that extra little push in right direction, telling me it was time to move on. It was then that my life started to change for the better.
I started to pray. The razor blades and scissors got thrown away and started to spend my nights instead on my knees, praying. Things did start looking up after that. Not every day was easy; some days felt hopeless. But I got confirmed into my church that May and I started living a somewhat normal life again. Every day, I thank God for my life.
Although my cutting and depression was the biggest struggle, my surgeries also affected my life spectacularly. If I really am my doctor’s “miracle girl”, that means that God healed me for a reason. Because of how I survived my surgeries, I think that God wants me to do something in other people’s lives to help them and to lead them to Him. Maybe I’ll be a nurse, or a doctor. Whatever it is, it’ll be for Him.
This March will be one year without me cutting. And today, telling all of you about it, I am happy. People ask me; don’t you wish you never had to have surgery? And I tell them no. Without my surgeries, without God getting my through my depression and cutting, where would my spiritual life be? My difficulties in life just led me to a better relationship with God. How can’t I be thankful for that? Philippians 4:13 says “I can do everything through Him who strengthens me.” God gave me the strength to get through 8 surgeries, almost dying and depression. If we turn to Him, He’ll give us all the strength we need. Romans 10:13 tell us this “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” It’s the power of prayer. All we have to do is ask and He will provide. Guys, I just want you to know this—If you are ever doubting yourself, don’t look any farther than our God. We all have ups and downs. Friends come and go. Families break apart. Life, well, life sucks sometimes. But God will always be there. And with Him on our side, we’re unstoppable. We’re invincible.

The author's comments:
Just wanted to share my experience with God, Please, no negative comments about religion. I'm not trying to convert anyone.

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