Coffee. That dark amber substance in my morning glass. Still too warm to drink. Steam dancing of it's placid surface. A few pieces that made it through the filter slowly finding there niche at the bottom of this white porcelain cup. While the beverage cools I think back to the hours preceding it. 15 hours ago I was at a bar. With plenty of company I met up with, lonesomeness depression sadness and all of the other synonymous emotions. I drank a glass light on the ice heavy on rum with a splash of lemon juice and a tad bit of cola. I sipped it, and slowly I became more and more unaware of myself. I was uneasy. The bartender said I had enough for the night so I paid my tab. Left my card by the register. Eyed a dame in a sequin red dress. She was lighting up a ciggerette. Inhaling the hits ever so lightly. Nothing like a man like myself would. So I stumbled over with a glass half full my button up shirt undone exposing my wife beater I wear underneath I ask the miss for a ciggerette as I have lost my pack. She daintily grabs one singly out of her small metal ciggerette case. We exchange the remedial pleasantries. Thank you you're welcome my name is blah blah blah. I leave the bar finish my drink before I'm even a block away. I light up the gift. Inhale heavily. I have a long walk ahead of me. I keep walking along I look up at the late night sky. Observe star Velcro themselves to the heavens. Street lights buzz. Cars in the distance. Slowly I realize I don't know where I am. I don't have a heading I'm just walking. I stop at a bench by a river. I watch it flow I hear if bustle along. I reach in my pocket for my phone. See I have five missed calls countless texts. That does not concern me I grab my phone to listen to a song. I play it and it weaves this night together for me. I continue my journey home. I figure hey no ones watching me I don't have to walk straight. So I stumble I walk all over the sidewalk. I see a group approaching me do I straighten up and ask for another smoke. I return them with a thank you. I smoke it. The nicotine helps me. I'm fading back in and out, but I finally make it to my dopey apartment. I am helped up the stairs. I put the key in the door but someone else turns the handle. Like a ghost. It is shut behind me. My eyes won't lift but I say thank you. I pass out on the kitchen floor, but awake in my bed. When I leave my room the coffees brewing. I didn't start it. I hear the door shut. I look down the hall. Nothing. I turn into the bathroom recently used steam still smoothing over the mirror. I go to the kitchen decide what the hell grab a cup in the cup I grab. The first porcelain cup on the left with a design etched around the lip. That cup. In it my card I left at the bar. I take it out flip it over flip it back. Pour a glass set it down. Wait for it to cool. Palming the card over and over. By now the amber fluid is cooler. I sip slowly look out my window. And I notice a letter on the floor where I passed out last night. I read it and I laugh.
March 14, 2012