A letter to Mr. F.

March 1, 2012
By Anonymous

Dear Mr.F.:
I turned to you one day when I needed you most. I was reaching out for help and you turned me away. You heard one of the mistakes I made and you just shut me out. You wouldn't listen to what I had to say to justify my actions. True, that was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made, but you couldn't even try to listen. All you had to say to me was "grow up!" I am still a child, you need to understand that, but I was forced to grow up when I was just a baby. You don't know my story, you never bothered to learn it, but you told me to "grow up!" You shoved my mistake down my throat when I needed you most. You hurt me on top of the hurt I was already feeling. The anguish I felt that day only multiplied with those two cold hard words. You showed me you don't care about me. But I want you to know that I am not perfect. I am not capable of being perfect, but I am capable of realizing when I need help. When I reached out to you, I desperately needed your help, but you turned me away. People often ask why it is so hard to get help, and the way you treated me when I asked for your help shows why some people aren't capable of reaching for help. I just wish you would have taken the time to get to know me, you would have understood the pain that I am feeling. You would have understood that if I had to "grow up" any more, my mental age would be about 100. You see, when my sister was born, that's the time I was forced to grow up. I had to be the protector of my siblings. I learned how to cook for them, I changed diapers, and when the time came, I had to help with homework. All these things my mother should have done but didn't. I never got to be a child, I was always the adult, the protector. I used to have so much respect for you, but I don't know if I can quite look at you the same anymore, I can't handle the judgement. I did not ask for help to be judged. But you did not know. You did not know that my birth mother neglected me and my siblings, that we were punished for using the restroom at night. You did not know that Elizabeth and her three adult children beat me within an inch of my life from the time I was six to the time I was ten. You did not know that my family has been in a financial crisis for nearly three years. You did not know that I attempted to take myself out of this world. But you never asked. Al you did was judge. I did not need judgement, I needed a friend, someone I could trust. But I guess that was too much to ask. I'm Sorry. I'm sorry I screwed up my life and had the nerve to ask for your help. It won't happen again. I'm sorry.

The author's comments:
This is a letter to someone who hurt me very badly when I needed him most. I will never give this letter to him, but it does feel good to write it out. It ties into the poem I wrote called "And now I cry" names have been changed to protect the identities of those portrayed.

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