Could we ever replay the laughter and remember how happy we were. How perfect our world seemed. The words echo through my mothers head " can you just stop the pain." The screaming ace of my voice filling her head giving her a bigger headache of confession than before. She doesn't have a clue what to do with me. I'm hurt and my world feels like a black hole dragging on forever. Back in time that's where Id want to be to see my father again. So i don't have to pretend to feel safe. Pretend to be happy. I could live the moments over again until my head goes insane of the same routine. I could be the normal girl again.

Late October was when it happened. When he disappeared into the dusk. Sprinting after him like it would stop him. Tears speeding down my face because he used to whisper in my ear " I`ll never let you go." I feel to the ground screaming, ready to wake up from the nightmare, but I didn't. I stayed there feeling his hugs, feeling his eyes smile at me. Hearing his voice say to me " You'll be alright no one can hurt you now." I felt everything while he felt absolutely nothing. Weeks went by, I called him everyday but no response. He didn't want to hear my voice telling him I loved him, because then he might regret leaving his family behind to go live in the country. Him making a new life and thinking we could manage without him. My mother and I always argue. She says I'm just like him. How i talk and I'm so determined like him. Nothings the same were torn apart.

Could i just go back i time for him. So i wont have to dream about the moment he came home and what i would do. Togo in the past to see him and have it feel like he never left him "mistakes."