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A Change in Daily Life
“I’m gay” was all it said. I stared at this white lined piece of paper. Not knowing how to respond or how my world was about to change. I wasn’t worried about what it meant or how everyone else reacted to it. All I was thinking was I wanted to be his friend. From that day on I researched and tried to understand what he meant.
My curly haired friend was different. Not a bad different, a great different interesting even. I wanted to learn more about what it meant. I researched and I asked questions. To everyone but my father. My father was a strict Christian man that I knew would not approve of me being friends with him. I didn’t care. I wanted to be friends.
I wanted to be the one he could talk to. I knew not everyone would approve. A lot would judge too. I didn’t care about rumors people started. He was going to be my best friend. I was sure of that.
I would ask questions. I thought me asking questions would be bad. Was it a choice or was it something that had always been? Did a lot of people judge him? If so what did they say? Did his parents know? I wanted to know the answers. I needed to know.
I wanted to be his friend, not just to say “Oh I have a gay friend.” Just knowing that I wanted to help him anyway I could, was more than enough for me. I wanted to be able to cry on his shoulder when a boy broke my heart, not only because I knew he would be there for me but knowing that he knew what I meant. I wanted him to be like an older brother.
I wanted him to be my new best friend, as a fourth grader the time till recess when I could ask him my questions seemed to go on forever. I solved my math problems and read the story from my English book. I wrote my quick writes and answered the questions about congress in history. I had so many questions, I wanted to ask. I stared at the white board, filled with many things; none of it however interested me.
All I wanted to do was ask my questions, and get answers. I felt like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, having so many questions and no one to answer them. I watched my teacher teach these lessons that just. I took my dull pencil and sharpened it. The new pencil wrote down all the questions. The list seemed endless.
Tick- tock tick-tock. The clock was mocking me. I wished I could make it go faster, let me ask all the questions I had. Sadly no, I would not listen to me. I wasn’t really expecting it to, was just hoping. I wanted everything to make sense.
Barrrrrring, the bell for recess finally rang. I stood up, pushed my chair in, and ran outside. Then I realized my friend was still in the classroom. I stood by the door and waited. My curly haired friend bounced out of the room. I started walking out to the playground.He looked at me and asked “ You didn’t tell anybody did you” I answered “ No, of course not.”
We walked for a couple minutes in silence, I finally couldn’t hold it in. I asked him if I could ask him a couple questions I had. He kindly agreed. I asked every single one of my questions. He answered to the best of his ability. That’s all I wanted. I could tell he didn’t know if he could trust me yet. I hoped his trust in me would build. We went on with our usual business, and the bell rang signailing us to go back to class. We lined up but of course we were the last class to go in. When we were walking back to class I knew in the back of mind, I was his friend.
To this day I have learned a lot. No matter what happens though I talk to him about everything, sure we have had a couple fights but no matter what happened, he was always there when no one else was. Our fights made us better people and more then that though greater and stronger friends. Recently though we don’t talk. I feel to blame for this but I try not to dwell on it. I know that if I honestly needed him he would be there for me.
I have finally come to realize that it didn’t and still doesn’t matter if he is gay, straight, or bisexual. He is a great person no matter what. I think society judges too much . Someone has to be this or has to be that to be a true person, when the fact of the matter is it should not matter to anybody except that individual. He is the same as everyone else. True he doesn’t make the same choices and decisions as everyone else but that’s ok. It just matters that he is happy, that should be all that matters to anyone.