An "Addict's" Lament

February 11, 2012
I used to think it was you who needed me. That I was the one helping you to love yourself and not care what other people thought. Maybe that’s true. But lately, I find that it’s me who needs you. Without you, I feel like nothing. I only want you. I only need you. So, I guess, you’re not really helping me at all. You’re hurting me. But I don’t care.

Loving you is like being addicted to drugs. Being with you is like my cheap high. I’m never happier. I never feel so sure of myself than when I’m around you. But when we’re apart, I crash. I come off of my “high.” I feel lonely and melancholy and all I can think about is how you will never love me like I love you. My mind and heart need you, not my body like regular addicts. I want to be with you always, even though you probably don’t feel the same. If I could never leave your side, I would always be “high.” That’s what I want. But that’s not realistic, is it? No. Especially not when my emotions are unrequited. Other people find different escapes from reality, like eating, shopping, sports, drinking or smoking. Not me. I have you. That is much more dangerous, though, because instead of compromising my health, I sacrifice my sanity. I am an addict and you are my drug.

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