I had just finished a book, and I was having a good day. In the eyes of a 3rd grader most days were good. On the way to the library I had to walk past the office, and just happened to look over and see my mom walking in. Her eyes were beat red, she looked pale and sick. I ran up to her and said, “Momma! What’s wrong?” She said she would tell me later on when my sisters were with us and to go ahead and finish what I was doing but to try and hurry because she had something to tell us. I hurried to turn in my book and went back to Mrs.Mesko’s class to get my backpack. When I walked into the classroom Mrs.Mesko gave me a hug and said,” Bless your heart.” I was really confused about what was going on. When I walked down the empty halls of Mark Twain Elementary school the only thing on my mind was I hope my papa is ok. I knew he was always sick and I worried that I was going to lose him. I saw Maranda and my mom standing by the office door waiting for me. I felt sick, like I was going to puke. You could see that we were going to be hit with some hard news by the sorrow in my mom’s eyes. Before we got the news we had one more stop… Rolla Middle School. We were going there to pick up my sister Mariah. I looked at Maranda as tears came to my eyes and asked her what she thought was wrong. She had the same idea as me. My mom and Mariah got into the car. For a moment we all just sat there in dead silence. I think it was because my mom didn’t know how to tell us, or maybe because she didn’t want to tell us. She got choked up for a moment. Sitting right there in the bus circle of Rolla Middle School my world came crashing down. My mom said, “Girls,” as a tear rolled down her cheek,” Your dad is gone.” We didn’t think anything of that because he was always gone to prison and rehab. I looked at her and said, “When will he be back?” and that’s when reality hit us. “I wish I could tell you he will be back, but your dad won’t be back this time.” She said. I couldn’t breathe and me eyes became filled with tears. The only thing I could do was sit. Sit and grasp the concept that our dad was gone forever. We never got the chance to tell him goodbye.. to tell him we love him. After we sat in the car for a moment my mom told us that our dad loved us very much, but he had made some bad choices in life. She then drove us home because the guy that had killed him was still out there and we were under lock down. I felt sick and light headed. When we pulled into our driveway want walked into the door I saw my stepdad waiting for us. There were two cops sitting in our living room. My stepdad Dave comforted me. I felt my day had never begun. I felt like it was a dream and in a moment I would wake up and the day would start. I was full of hate. He was gone, and nothing could change that.
January 30, 2012