The Cleanest Mirror Has A Dusty Backside Too

January 27, 2012
By Anonymous

I am a teenager in a public highschool. I am very smart and kind and compassionate. I see the world as it is more than others and it pains me.

I come from a good family. My father is well educated and has learnt much from his youthful mistakes in the past. My mother is insightful and full of much childhood experience for good advice. Both my parents have outstanding morals that they passed onto my sister and I. They love us very much and express it everyday. They never hit us and we never give them reason to have to punish us. I am so spoiled.

I often behave well in class, listening to the teachers and completing any assignments in my path. I help my fellow students and am always polite to them. I'm not perfect though. To my friends, I allow myself to curse and preach about the wrongdoings of life.

I am completely clean. I have never smoked, nor drunk, nor done drugs. I never want to. I see no logical aspect to the act. My parents have let me same some of their alcohol and I found that it tastes horrible, like fire threatening my existence. That was the whole point for letting me try it and if I were to want to drink, at least be drunk at home instead of some random person's party place. But I never will take to drinking or smoking or doing drugs. It's a waste of your health, your time, and most of all your money of which you could go far with all that some people spend just monthly on the stuff.

I am religious, but I'm not. I have been sent to a private school all my life. Roman Catholic was the faith that was taught there. For all of my life, I believed every word of their teachings. I shunned what they told me to and praised what they told me to. But once I was transferred to a public school, were my eyes truely open to God. I believed that God abandoned me. I wanted to rebel against Him. I wanted to just never have to attend church to uselessly waste my time praying to someone I don't believe is even there. But I then realized that everything is true. He was there and that he wasn't going to help me. He created me to be on my own. I'm not a religious fanatic, but I'm also not an atheist.

Sounds like a good kid? Nope. I said before, that I see the world as it is more than others and it pains me. My knowledge hurts. I have to be a perfect person for everyone. I have to be the perfect daughter that does nothing wrong and is full of so much knowledge.I have to be the perfect student and able to help my friends and aquaintences with their work and get every since question right. I have to be healthy and skinny, which I'm not, and clean of any drugs. I have to be a good little Christian/Catholic that believes in just what that group of religion believes in. I have to be this image of a perfect smart person.

Why do I feel the need to please other people by being what they want me to be? Is it wrong for me to have these feelings when I have basically the perfect life? Nothing major even happened to me, I'm 100% okay. So why do I have to feel like everything is weighing down on me with all these people's expectations?

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