No-Shave November Produces Hairy Neanderthals

January 26, 2012
By Keersi Edwards BRONZE, Pewaukee, Wisconsin
Keersi Edwards BRONZE, Pewaukee, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Male students at Arrowhead High School have decided to, yet again, ditch the razors and revert to hairy Neanderthals. While male students believe this is a rising trend to flaunt their masculinity, female students think otherwise.

Senior Rachel Bero shared her opinion on the male inclination: “I cannot turn a corner at this school without laying my eyes on one of these hairy yaks. It is both repulsive and nauseating.”

But the question still remains: Where did this madness begin? Who is to blame? And why is this inhuman and unhygienic movement popular?

The primary source? Carnival workers, the Amish community and fictitious characters like Grizzly Adams.

In ancient Medieval Times, men believed that by producing extra facial hair they could fight off evil-spirits, foreign invaders, and the plague. This is obviously an extremely realistic defense that facial hair could result in such powers.
Senior Alex Hirsch says, “It’s starting to get fairly patchy. I just want to shave, but I believe I must live up to my man duties and proceed in this male dominated escapade.”
According to, In the Renaissance times, females would only accept her hand in marriage with a male if he was kissable-soft, thus forcing the male species to step up and shave this hairy mask in order to sweep thy fair lady off her feet.
Senior James Patterson gladly defended his kind: “No-shave November really gives men the opportunity to test the waters on facial hair growth. And, is a superb opportunity to relate to other men.”
Patterson says he walks down the hall, says “Hey man, nice beard, I’ve got a beard too,” and forms instant friendships.

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