My Life

January 23, 2012
By
Writing these essays for this class is very difficult for me. I didn't pick this course if I had known I don't think I would have picked it either. Not because this class is boring or isn't fun its just that I’m not a very strong writer and writing these essays takes me a long time. Also I don't have much of an imagination and I absolutely hate to read in front of people. But whats even harder is I don't really know any of you guys. I know I’ve been at this school for close to a month and I know some peoples names but I don't really know you that well. And hopefully I get to know you guys better but for now I just feel out of my comfort zone at this school. And I don't think I will ever feel as comfortable with you guys as I did with the kids from my old school. Nothing against you guys its just how I feel, I grew up with most of them and I love them like a family. Its hard leaving your senior year and leaving all my friends behind and coming to this school. I know I can just make new friends here but I just want to hangout with my friends from my old school again. And now I barely see them anymore. I might see them at a party on the weekend but I cant go back to school on Monday and talk to them about the party or what they did that weekend. And it sucks because I cant talk to anyone here like the way I could talk to my friends at my old school. And I really miss them but theirs no one to blame except myself. I’m not going to go into detail of what happened I just did something stupid.


Actually I think that I should. So hears what happened, my old school randomly drug tests their students and I was doing good in football and my grades and I didn't want to get kicked out for smoking so I didn't smoke. But one day I was having the worst day of my life everything bad that could happen happened. I had problems with my girlfriend I failed two tests and I got a Saturday detention which means Im disciplinarily ineligible for our big football game. So after all this chaos I was at lunch and all my friends were talking about this synthetic marijuana they sell at gas stations. So this talk caught my attention. They said that its just like weed and it doesn't show up on drug tests. I had been studying so hard and putting so much time and effort into football I couldn't afford taking the risk and smoking weed. So I thought hey whats the worse thing that could happen. S*** hit the fan thats what happened.


After school my friend and I decided to smoke the fake marijuana . We bought it from the local gas station. I was driving my car while my friend rolled the blunt and we smoked it. My other friend sat in the back seat, who was just with us for a ride back to school, he didn't smoke any of it. I took a couple hits and I couldn't feel anything. Then it hit me , while I was driving I couldn't feel my hands or feet and everything started becoming blurry. So I stopped my car in the Burger King parking lot and told my friend in the back to drive because I was not able to. I told him to take me to the hospital or his house just anywhere but school, because I knew there was something wrong. I was hallucinating and everything was repeating itself. One instance kept happening over and over in my head, my friend started to drive then hit the breaks and my other friend who smoked said “ Jack what are you doing” . No matter how many times I tried for it to not repeat itself it kept happening over and over again. After the repeating stopped my heart started pounding and I began to start twitching . Then I blacked out and when I woke up in my school parking lot I was so scared with all the things I was seeing and hearing in my head that I jumped out of the moving car in order to kill myself. I didn't think that any of the stuff was real and that I was just in a really bad dream . I jumped out face first hoping to hit the curb with my head. I missed the curb but blacked out again. I woke up on the side of the road near my school I couldn't move and my mouth was dry and I felt dehydrated . I kept on hallucinating and wanted this nightmare to be over with. I tried throwing my self at the on coming traffic but I couldn't move. I was cold wet and shaking. I blacked out again and woke up seeing my girlfriend I was having problems with, she was calling my name trying to get me in her car but I couldn't move. She told me my assistant principle was coming and she wanted to get me to the hospital but I didn't budge. I just screamed the only words I could “ kill me” . I blacked out again to see my coach helping me in his car, he drove me back to school and took me to the athletic office. I was shoeless, wet , cold and wanted to kill my self but I had no energy to even take a sip of water. The Assistant Principal of Student Affairs was questing me and asked me why I was like this, he asked me so many questions but I didn't answer him . After taking a sip of water I threw up all over myself. Then I blacked out again I woke up and thought I was dying my heart went from beating really fast to really slow the only thing I could feel in my entire body was my finger tips throbbing. It went from just being the Assistant Principal of Student Affairs to my gym teacher, my two favorite teachers that I looked up to and my coaches. I just saw the disappointment in all their faces. I still didn't have an idea of what was going on. Then I began to throw up constantly over and over again until I was dry heaving. I could only focus on one object at a time to become aware of what was happening . When I did this I could hear what people were saying of me and how disappointed they were. Then I saw my mother she was sobbing and looked angry but I was so happy to see her , I was praying to see her and my family just one more time. I truly thought I was going to die, and I was if I didn't get sent to the hospital I wouldn't be here today. I remember being pulled out on a stretcher and seeing all my friends looking at me but I couldn't express any emotions to them to show them I was alright . I saw my girlfriend hysterically crying. When I was in the ambulance and they hooked the IV up began and I started coming to my senses , not fully but better than before. When I was in the hospital I recovered my health but was still out of it. The fake weed had chemical compound that was very similar to crystal meth and I had no clue. It has made three people in the country kill themselves and has killed two people from just using it. My friend who smoked it was bigger than me and the drug attaches itself to fat molecules and since Im not fat it hit me harder and faster. It caused my friend to have to go to the hospital the next day and he was in the hospital for a week. When he got out he was combative and tried to kill himself and was rushed to the hospital again. I didn't want any of my friends to have to go through what we went through so I sent a letter of what happened to the senator, governor, and house of delegates to make this product illegal. I sent it also to the DEA and made it illegal. The DEA wants me to do this thing called The Red RIbbon Program , they want me to go to schools and tell my story but I cant because one I’m not good speaking in front of people plus reliving what happened just sucks.


After I fully recovered I was kicked out of school and became extremely depressed. Because of this decision I couldn't finish the football season and I was supposed to make the All State team. And because I didn't finish out the season I lost my football scholarship to Holy Cross. My friends came and visited me everyday and brought me food and just talked to me and I would explain everything that happened. I was out of school for three weeks until I was aloud to come to my new school . I was going to go to South but it was a last minute decision that was not up to me. My parents wanted me to stay out of trouble and thought this school would be better. I do not like this school Im not used to the small school and catching up in all these classes is so hard. The classes are way to long and the lunch is so bad, it doesn't fill me up and I’m to lazy to pack my own lunch. Everyday is torture for me and everyday I just try to get through the week so I can get to the weekend. And then Monday comes around and the painful process starts again. I know I’m depressed because the only time I’m happy is when I’m under the influence of something. Thats all I look for in the weekend is to drink my problems away. Im not doing it to socialize, Im drinking to numb myself because everyday I have to live with the mistake I made and the effects its had on my life. I try to forget it but whenever I see someone they ask how I’m doing and they tell me they heard what happened and I cant forget it. I just want everyone to forget about it and stop judging me and thinking I’m just a f*** up that got kicked out of school. But I don't want everyone to remember me for my one mistake. I am the same kid as I was before. I want them to remember me for who I was before this incident.





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Ollie said...
Mar. 9, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Since this is nonfiction, I'm going to assume it's true. Thank you for getting your story out there because even if you can't public speak very well, you are still letting teens know that this is definitely not worth it. I think it makes it more real that it's coming from someone relatable. Good luck!
 
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