January 22, 2012
I know it’s wrong because I have a boyfriend, but thoughts of you tug at the corners of my mind.
I’ve only seen you three times in the course of two days. I didn’t even pay much attention to you on the first day of class until a friend and I went to eat lunch together in the college’s cafeteria and you were sitting by yourself at the table in front of us. Attraction had no influence on my decision to ask you if you’d like to eat with us, that sort of thing came naturally based on my own experiences. I try to be a friend to anybody and everybody and you looked lonely. The three of us got to talking and I discovered we shared some of the same interests and viewpoints. We both love anime and hate how some people will string others along and act like a harlot. Those sorts of people disgust us. Lunch ended and we departed for our separate classes.
A little while later I had time to kill so I decided to grab some dinner. Ironically, I ate my meager meal quietly by myself, but I was getting up to leave and find some sort of amusement for another hour you walked up and sounded kind of bummed when you asked me if I was just leaving. Another conversation with you seemed more pleasurable than wasting brain cells in the college’s recreation center watching people play call of duty, though I do enjoy sitting in a certain spot in there on a nice day because of the outside view, so I gladly told you that I had some time to kill if you’d like me to stay. Our conversation constituted of meal tickets, the overwhelming sweetness of the frosting on the chocolate cake we had both selected for our desert, and anime. We barely talked about personal things, but you did tell me about Michigan and I told you about wanting to be a photojournalist. Relationship status was never mentioned and neither was any form of attraction. Everything was strictly platonic.
When we next had class together I sat with my friend and you sat with us. I guess we’ve formed our own group. It was my last class of the day so when it let out you walked with me a little way to the car. You asked if I lived off campus and I said yes and asked you the same to which you had answered yes but that you stayed with your grandfather on the weekends and worked with him fixing computers. We then parted ways with a see you later.
That was yesterday, and I’ve thought about you all day today, so I looked for you on Facebook and sent you a friend request and you accepted it. Trolling through your profile I discovered you had a girlfriend. Which I’m happy you do, I am, it will help deter attraction seeing as neither of us are single, which I’m not saying that I am attracted to you in anyway, at least, I don’t think I am. Maybe it’s a mutual loneliness that draws me to you. Your loneliness is physical while mine is an emotional and physical one, but it’s still loneliness. I
’m always at school or work and don’t have time to see my boyfriend, and I’ve caught him telling me lies and lately he hasn’t been the person he was when we first got together. It’s like he isn’t even trying anymore. Maybe he is and I’m just not seeing it because I have a restless spirit and am no longer content, I’ve become more comfortable in the realm of facts rather than feelings because if I remained only in a realm of emotion then inevitably I’d make myself miserable, always sacrificing my own happiness for another’s.
Lately I haven’t been happy in my relationship, but I don’t share my insecurities with others. I fear their judgmental attitudes. So, in the factual realm, I enjoy your company. Our conversations are interesting and have no strings or emotional ties attached, which at this point in my life is what I need and desire. It is a fact that you are an intriguing specimen of the opposite gender before me, but beyond that I have no idea why you’re at the corner of my mind and why I troll specificly your profile.
I hope our platonic friendship can continue because I like conversations with depth and without frivolity which you provide. I find myself comfortable around you, so maybe one day we can exchange the facts of our separate relationships. Maybe one day you can give me an objective view and advice based on facts presented. Or maybe not.


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