"I love you...” were the last words I said to him before I left. I could remember the fear in his eyes with a tint of sorrow. It hurt me so deeply, my chest began to hurt. "Melissaaaaaa!” says my aunt with anxiousness. It wasn't until then I had realized we were landing on my family's homeland, La Republica Dominicana. Lucky me I had a family twice as excited as I was to bring me back to reality.


You'd figure since it was my first time visiting there, I'd be the happiest one. But, I was going through boyfriend withdrawal. Yet the awkward thing about it was that everyone knew. Talk about pressure. *snap, snap* My thoughts were disturbed by my uncle who had apparently been standing in my face like a statue waiting for a reply, and snapping in my face like he was attempting to kill mosquitoes. His snapping was beyond terrible. My boyfriend was still on my mind.


"FIRST STOP PUERTO PLATA!", shouts my uncle with a devious voice. (In which made me worried) If you'd ask me, I would definitely say it looked like we were about to get attacked by an unknown mythological spanish creature. The car shook and shook against what was believed to be a "curb"; which in reality was just rocks and a long way down off of the high mountainous road. I feared for my life. In my mind I believed my two week vacation would end right here with a tragic death followed by a male widow. (My boyfriend)


In about an hour later, I started realizing the road was getting smoother, and trees began to appear. It wasn't till about the sixth tree or so that I could finally see the entrance, to what was known to be one of the greatest resorts in Dominican Republic. As I stepped out of the bulky, black, and shiny car along with my cousins (who happened to be within my teen age group) I began to feel a sense of anxiety mixed with adrenaline. Almost like a sugar high. I was filled with so much emotion that I hadn't realized we have already checked-in.


As I passed the lobby I noticed the food area in which was drowned in desserts. It was tempting but, I was more focused on the clear blue reflection from the beach water against the temples that were surrounding it. At that point, I immediately began tippy toeing to my room as fast as I can with my shoes already halfway off. I couldn't wait to get my vacation started!


Knock! Knock! "Um....." I was cut off before I could even complete my sound by my aunts high pitched girly voice. "Whyyyy hello there Mrs.Speedy González! I just swinged by to tell you that Bredy, Wildry, Mario, and I have a genius plan for tonight! In which will be a surprise! Nothing but fun, fun, fun! I'll be in front of your door at around 11:30 tonight. LOOK THROUGH THE PEEK HOLE! No adults allowed! So keep it a secret! Tell Junior, Caro, and Steph for me since you are all together please!" Before my aunt Wenilda was already halfway through her speech I was already closing my door. I had a weird feeling I'd be involved into one of her surprising troubled plans. If it was New York, I would've immediately said no. But, for some reason I found myself actually wanting to participate this time. I was afraid I'll be left out and considered the "party pooper" for the rest of the vacation. I promised myself I would make the best of it. Beyond that I can honestly say I was finally fed up with being called "Ms.Goody two-shoes". For this once, I finally wanted to be the one remembered as being the daredevil and outgoing one.


My family settled in. As I stepped outside I quickly spotted my mom on a sun yellow body float and everyone else already by the pool-bar drinking Piña Coladas, and a famous drink called Bahama Mama. Since I couldn't swim at the time it took me years to reach the pool-bar. But, I did indeed make it one way or another! Just in time for round four of Bahama Mama's.


As I'm holding my cup in my left hand I took a step back in the water to head towards the ledge. I was almost reaching my destination until then suddenly, I slipped over a little step within the water leading me into death zone--better known as THE DEEP WATER. My drink spilled, and I immediately began to panic. All I could think of is, "Who put that darn stair there!" Within two seconds, I begin to taste the chlorine water with a mixture of the air I was fighting to intake. "WILL! LOOK AT MEL.... I THINK... I THINK...SHE'S DROWNING!" Says my aunt Wenilda with a puzzled face. "HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!" I scream in half words as I reach my hands out of the water like the letter y to jump again for air. Wenilda nor Wildry knew how to swim, and unfortunately there were no lifeguards around to help me. So I'd figure I would eventually give up the fight and drown within the next 4 minutes or so. "Will, wait! I have an idea grab the float hurry!" She grabs the float and passes it to Wenilda, who then tells Wildry to hold her while she reaches out with the float for me to grab. In my first attempt to grab the float I missed leading me to intake more water. As I'm choking I decide to just relax and then, attempt again one last time before I give up the fight. And so I did; luckily my plan worked and I was able to grab a hold of the handle on the tube float. My aunts then pulled me in and hugged me. "You scared the crap out of me yo!" Says Wenilda very concerned. "I never want to go through that again, seriously." She added on.


On my way out of the pool I bumped into Junior who was my cousin.
"Sorry, ehhh."
"It's okay..." He begins to walk away.
"Oh... JUNIOR WAIT!"
"What's up?"
"I forgot to tell you. But, tonight Winnie planned something. I don't know what it is.... but she wanted me to tell you, Caro, and Steph. Can you tell them for me...?"
"Her and her crazy surprises! I'll tell them even though I'm sure they already somehow found out. Those god dam dare devils. Those girls have issues man!"


Apart of me felt worse and a little jealous when he called the other girls dare devils, and I knew I wasn't included. It made me feel left out. Like if I wasn't "fun" enough. Or maybe I WAS Ms. Goody two-shoes....
"I guess, oh, and we're meeting up at 11:30."
"Alright, cool. See ya later!"


As I was on my way back into the large squared hallways where the rooms were, I looked straight up through the center and closed my eyes. I could feel the light cool breeze wrap around my finger tips. All I could think about was how grateful I am to have been alive. I opened my eyes. To find a slightly older male guest who was surprisingly attractive; staring at me with confusion and awkwardness. I could see it on his face that he wanted to ask if I was okay. Even though I strongly wish he did so that I could make a new friend—instead I made quick eye contact, smirked, and took off like a cheetah.


I knew I would eventually cross through my family member’s minds questioning as to why I am not participating in the bonding session. But, I already had enough. I almost drowned today. I needed to clear my mind. By the time I looked at my clock it was already a little over 9 o’clock. I wrapped myself three times over the thick orange quilt and began to doze off into the music full of excited screams and laughter’s full of joy.


*Tap, tap*—push. I open one eye and do a small grunt.
“SHHHHH! You’re going to wake them up…” Whispers my brother.
“Whaaaa-t-do-you-wan-t?”
“For your ass to get up so that we can get the hell up out of here!” He says carefully loud.
“Uhhhhhh, whaa, what time is it?”
“Time for you to get the hell up.”

From the sound of his voice, I could tell we were somewhat late. I was fighting to keep myself awake, until the door swung open and there they were staring back at me with twisted faces. "Someone's cranky.." Says my aunt mockingly. "Ready to head out everyone?" She adds on. "I was born ready!" Says Caro deviously. I still couldn't believe the jealousy that filled over me on how outgoing she was and comfortable in her "teenage" skin. It killed me.

I could smell the beach as we got closer to the mini stairs in which were connected to the beautiful temples. The temples made me think of oversized teepees. However, I couldn't help but wonder what type of twisted "fun" would involve the beach in the night time?

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, owww, ouch." Were the words being said by everyone due to the beach debris hidden within the sand. After the painful two minutes of us trying to reach the wet sand, Wenilda suddenly stops us. "Sooooo, I'd thought I let you all know we're going skinny dipping tonight!" My mouth dropped, with the words "skinny dipping" echoing in my head. How could she be so inconsiderate? Yet, the worst part about it was that no one else seemed to be bothered by it.

Jealousy strikes again. Why can't I just do this? What is stopping me? The angel and devil appear on my shoulder. Melissa, just do this. You'll be considered a daredevil. It's all you need. No you can't, you shouldn't. You'll never be the same again. They disappear, and I lose my way.


*2 weeks and a day pass*


Him and I were sitting in silence. He was staring at me, devastated. Not understanding why I made the choice to break-up with him.
"It's not you it's me."
"What does that even mean Melissa?"

He stared at me in silence. He could see it in my eyes that I had lost myself. Something was different. Yet, he failed to give up. He knocked and knocked at the door in which Melissa lived. Hoping for her to open up the door and see that sweet reserved girl he once knew. But, the door remained closed. In fact, it never reopened again.

She was right. I can't, and I shouldn't; because I'd lose myself. The day I chose to take off my clothes and head straight for the shore, I lost myself. The adrenaline that took over me felt so good. Who would've known being a daredevil felt so good? I couldn't stop. I'd do anything to feel that adrenaline again. It has become addicting.

I can't stop, I shouldn't stop, and it's by choice. Melissa no longer lives here anymore. She's lost, and never found her way back again.