The Junior Research paper; what every lower classmen dreads up until they turn their own in, and what the relieved seniors laugh at while they hear about the stressful stories from all the juniors. Well when it came to my turn to do one, I wasn’t so stressed over it because I love to write- until it dawned on me that I had no extra time outside of class to do all this unnecessary work. I chose the topic on how the media is affecting our society; making it to the point that it’s deadly to those who believe images of celebs and models out in magazines are real, and that “thin is in”- when everything is counterfeit. My struggle came from the overwhelming information that I had to include, then again site. Everything just piled up for what needed to be completed, and I really got frustrated with it. I have dance every night from five to nine- thirty and was nowhere near to the point I needed to be to make sure my paper was going to be done and turned in on the due date! I thought this was the only thing that was bad, but no. Not only did I not have time to do this- but I had some substitute teacher for the entire month and a half we had the essay to do! This sub was a supposed “English teacher”… yeah right, more like student teacher who has no idea how to give any advice on writing papers. I asked for help countless times, but her help was either spoken too quietly or just not evident at all towards what I needed (most times I would have to look something up on Google) My stress level was already reaching its peak of me exploding, not only from this paper- I pretty much started giving up on anyway- but from this teacher having no clue, my friends being cranky when I’m hyper, dance competitions taking over my life, and lastly my parents nagging about my grades. You could say I was about to go into a psychological state of health! So, as much as I just lead off topic of this Junior Research Paper that I had to write; was exactly what I did during the month of writing the piece. PROCRASTINATION- it’s totally my weakness and I kept putting this paper off to save me from frustration. It was a week or so before it was due and I actually had it done, not well enough for me, but done! Unfortunately, my other weakness is having everything perfect; reading through my paper, I didn’t really feel it was readable or ready for turning in to get a grade on. I knew I shouldn’t of, but I had too, at least I thought so. I basically tore my writing apart and started to build a different outline, I was feeling really good about the changes too. Writing either comes for me, or it doesn’t and this was a topic I knew I would excel on. But oh my goodness, does time fly by! It was turn in day before I even got to close my eyes and sleep! As I freaked by knowing my paper was going to be late, I just kept thinking “this is my paper, and it should be turned in when I am ready and okay with it!” Slapping myself back to reality, I sat there with guilt, anger, sadness, just feeling like I’m not a good student. The sub was gone right after the turn in date, so I had no excuses that would be believed by Mr. E. I mean how is it my fault that I have some annoying “disorder” making me think everything I do have to be “perfect”? Nobody understands it, I don’t even get it. Leading me to receive grades like I did for this paper, that I don’t deserve; deduction for turning something in late, doesn’t even faze me anymore… clearly I’m used to it!
Over and Done With
January 16, 2012