Who am I? MAG

January 15, 2012
By Anonymous

Who am I?
Good question …
I am a liar.

I am a fake.

I am imperfect.

I'm a liar. I lied when people asked me how my home life was when we didn't have running water and I had to wash dishes with boiled snow. I lied to the cops when they asked me if my mother dealt drugs. I lied to my father when he asked me if I was happy here and doing okay. I am such a liar. I lied to my mother when she asked me if anyone had physically hurt me. I've lied to churches when they asked me if I'm a believer. I have lied to almost everyone around me.

I'm a fake. I faked being strong when my cousin died and my mother went into a psychiatric hospital. I fake emotions almost every day so people won't know I come from such a broken home. I faked a smile when my mother told me she was sorry and that she loved me. I faked not knowing she was an addict. I faked my address so people wouldn't know I stayed in my car. I have faked so much I don't know how to be real. I couldn't cry when my best friend died, no matter how much I tried. I fake so much it is becoming real.

I'm imperfect. I am far from perfect. I have low self-esteem. I'm overweight. I have acne and a dull personality. I have a broken family full of suicides, overdoses, depression, divorce, and false hope.

I am broke. I've worked since I was 16, I pay my own rent, my own bills. I have no extra money. I don't know how I will pay for college. Perfection is something I dream to achieve. Perfection is ideal, but is it even real?





I am determined.

I am thoughtful.

I am independent.

I'm determined. I have done everything I can in order to graduate. I have kept my grades up, even when I had to work 40-hour weeks to make the rent and pay bills. I went to school even when I didn't have electricity, water, or transportation. I scheduled my ACT, picked out a college, and am working hard to get financial aid. My mother may be a lot of things, but she implanted college into my head when I was little. She did it so well I have never thought of not going. I thank her for that. I am determined to do everything I possibly can to succeed.

I'm thoughtful. I gave my mother money when I couldn't afford to. I lied to keep her out of jail, even though it was only a matter of time before my lies could no longer save her. I told her that she was a good mother to get her through her hard times and make her feel better. I gave my brother half of my groceries because he spent all his money on heroin. I babysat my niece so my brother and sister-in-law could get high.

I tell all of them they are great despite their flaws. I tell them that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and that I forgive them, because my opinion means a lot to them. I tell them what they want to hear to try and get them through. I am pretty damn thoughtful.

I'm independent. When I was 15 I babysat for money to help my mother pay the bills after she lost her good job at a factory when it shut down. We went from riches to rags really quickly. I bought my school clothes and supplies with my own hard-earned money.

My sixteenth birthday present was a job. When my mother went to jail, I got her an attorney and I kept house until she got out. When we lost our apartment, I never asked for help. She stayed with her boyfriend and I lived with friends and in my car.

Now, I am 17. I rent my own
place, pay my own bills, have my
own car, and buy my own stuff. I am independent.

I am a liar, a fake, and imperfect.

I am determined, thoughtful, and independent.

A lot of things happened, words were said, feeling were shredded, but that's how I became who I am.

I would change some things, but mostly I'm proud of who I am and I couldn't have achieved it without my past.

Why run from it when you can learn from it?



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This article has 3 comments.


on Feb. 4 2012 at 4:30 pm
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

You are a BRAVE & COURAGEOUS young woman! This is very well written!

LaceeJade GOLD said...
on Feb. 1 2012 at 7:13 pm
LaceeJade GOLD, Bucyrus, Ohio
17 articles 4 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
♥ I've made mistakes in my life. i've let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. But, i've learned from my bad choices, and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. i'll know better next time and i wont settle for anything less than i deserve. ♥

Thanks So Much:)

on Feb. 1 2012 at 7:11 pm
BrilliantInnocence SILVER, Edina, Minnesota
9 articles 4 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
" I'm not perfect, I'm perfectly flawed," Amy Lee
“Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary." -Gerard Way

That is extremely powerful, and very well written! You are a tough kid, and have worked super hard and you have a talent that you are thankfully not putting to waste! Keep it up!


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