I was a freshman when my best friend, Renee, met Toby online. I remember, she was so excited when they we’re going to meet at Jordan Creek mall. In fact, I was excited for her. But, this story isn’t about them. It’s about who I met whilst being her wing woman that day. He was tall, chubby, strong, cocky, and he had the brownest eyes I’ve ever seen. His name was Jordan. When I met him I didn’t think I’d ever see him again after that. I was there for Renee and Toby. They hit it off and dated for about a month. After Toby had broken up with Renee she called me and asked me to come to Southridge mall to hang out with her and Jordan.

After I had hung out with them I asked Renee for Jordan’s number and I texted him, “You suck, you didn’t even say goodbye to me.”

He responded, “Amanda? Well, you didn’t seem to like me..”

I texted back to him explaining that I did and that I just don’t really smile much. It’s just a flaw in my personality. “If I hadn’t liked you, I wouldn’t have shown up.” I said in the end of explaining myself. He and I had made plans to hang out again after that. After a while of just casually meeting up some place to hang out with each other, we lost touch. During that time though, I had grown feelings for him. He was so funny and suave that I found it hard not to be interested in him.

A few months later, I was with a group of friends when I got a text saying “Hey, what are you doing right this second?”

I smiled a little bit and texted back, “Just at a mall with a few friends. Why? What’d you have in mind?”

Not even a minute later, “What mall? I wanna join.”

“Who says I want you here asshole. Ha, just kidding. I’m at Merle Hay. Hurry up!” I replied.

I waited and waited for a reply back when I got a call from him. He said, “I’m coming up in the parking lot.” I started telling my friend, Kelsey, how nervous I was since I hadn’t seen him in so long. She told me that I looked “hot” and that he’ll think so too. He then walked up behind us and told me that it was his birthday. He wanted us all to come to the pool hall with him. I of course jumped at the invite, where as the girls had to check if it was alright. Renee was the only one who could come because none of us wanted Dustyn to come and Kelsey’s mom said no. Jordan drove Kelsey home and took Renee and I to the pool hall.

On our way there we stopped off at a gas station. I was sitting in the back of his grand prix and Renee was sitting in the front seat. On his way out of the car he told Renee to switch seats with me. I was a pretty shy and innocent person back then and I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d want us to switch seats. I couldn’t figure it out. When we got to the pool hall I had felt like I had shrank. In my mind I was two inches tall and nervous. After a while, Jordan asked me to play. He made a bet with me that the loser had to kiss the winner. My mind was blown. I agreed thinking that I’d win because he’d been sucking all night and I coincidentally had a pool table in my basement. Turned out, Jordan kicked my butt! He hustled me good. Later that night when he dropped me off I had Renee to get out of the car and I started to lean in. Then, his girlfriend Ally called, “Hey baby! I’ve missed you so much today! How was your birthday! Sorry I couldn’t come!” I got out of the car and slammed the door. That was the first time he let me down that night. Obviously, I had no idea he had a girlfriend. After that, Jordan went over to Kelsey’s house. I found that out the next morning after I vented to Renee all night.

I walked to Kelsey’s house and the first thing she says is, “ Did you kiss him?”

“No… He has a girlfriend, I guess…” I said quietly.

“Okay good because he came over last night and we kind of… made out…” she ever so frankly said as if it wouldn’t at all upset me.

“YOU WHAT?!” I screamed. I at that point sat down and considered telling her to go die in a hole. I left without saying a word after that. I walked to the park down the street and just listened to music while I swung for an hour or so. Jordan texted me later that night and I didn’t reply. I saw no point. I started talking to other guys. I was a teenager and I was trying to move on.

Months later, Renee started talking to Toby again and us three went to Grays Lake and walked around it. I told Toby to let Jordan know that I hated him. I thought I meant it. Coincidentally, a few days later I ran into Jordan. “You hate me?” he questioned.

“As a matter of fact, YES I do.” I emphasized.

“Is that why you haven’t been replying to any of my texts?”

I thought about it and said, “Actually, I got a new phone. You’ve been texting me?”

“Well, yeah. I’ve missed you. I quit after a while because I assumed you hated me. Then the other day, it got confirmed.”

We talked for a while and I finally gave him my new number. I couldn’t deny that I missed him. Something about him was just so alluring to me. For a few months he was in and out of my life. We would talk about getting into a relationship and then he’d pull some “I’m with so and so” bullshit. I would get a boyfriend but I never had any intention of it lasting if Jordan came back into the picture. He was always my one exception. He knew it and he used it to his advantage. Even knowing that, he’d still come to me wanting relationship advice and I always gave it to him. I cared about him so much.

Finally, one day he and I had hung out and we kept hanging out. He was a constant in my life finally and I wasn’t letting go. We were having serious conversations about being together. My good friend, Marie, shared with him everything I’ve ever said about him and the things I’ve gone through for him. The next day, he doesn’t even call or text me; he picks me up and takes me to his place. He says “You’re mine and I’m yours and if you say no, I’ll hit you and if you say no, YAY!” He said that after he said that my face had an instant and I was blushing really bright red. He said that I had never been cuter.

I wasn’t used to the whole being in a relationship with Jordan thing and I didn’t know how to react to it. I was the happiest girl on earth until the third day that we hadn’t spoken. I texted him that if he couldn’t even take time out of his day to text me that he cares then I couldn’t be with him anymore. He called me and I didn’t answer. My friend Marie took it into her hands to invite him over to fix things and I was furious at her. He came over on his break and said that he’d been working double shifts and that he’s just been too tired and then he accused me of thinking that he was cheating on me. “So, you don’t trust me.” He says.

“Well, if I recall right… you did cheat on at least a hundred other girls with me…” I accused. We ended up talking it out and he went back to work. A week later I ended up leaving him because of my guilt. I cheated on him and I didn’t think it was right, even though I was almost certain he was doing the same thing. I ended up getting together with a guy named Sam and I was with him when Jordan and I started talking again. We spent the whole summer together. I constantly blew off Sam for Jordan. I referred to Sam as my stalker all summer. Jordan and I would take Marie and his friend Mike to the lake or we’d go to Marie’s house just to burn things in the back yard. We we’re always outside. Shortly, I left Sam in hope that Jordan would ask me back out. We were at the park down the street when he mentioned that we had been kissing and cuddling and whatnot. I said, “I’m sorry, I’ll stop. I just missed all that.”

Then, he said, “Well, if you’re serious about that… take me back.” That same day, Sam had been texting me telling me that he missed me and he wanted to get back together. Everyone that was around us called him and told him to leave me alone. Sam told me that we couldn’t even be friends anymore. He posted a status on facebook saying “Amanda is a w**** and should die for all the pain she caused.” I broke down crying. I didn’t want to hurt him and I still cared for him.

Jordan and I agreed on getting back together and the next day I left him for Sam. I was a mess. I cared about two guys and I had no clue what to do. Jordan and I had been through a lot but Sam had never hurt me like Jordan did. About four months into Sam and I’s relationship Jordan and I started talking about and I agreed to write to him while he was off at basic training for the army. The night before he left he came and picked me up. He said that I had five months to decide what I wanted to do. All that night I thought about kissing him and when he dropped me off, I did. It was just a peck because I wasn’t sure what he wanted. When he went off to basic he said he regretted not pushing me against the car and kissing me long and passionately.

While he was gone, I grew close to a girl named Carey and I told her everything. I read her my letters (Which were sweet and I still choke up reading them to this day.) and I told her what I thought. She told me that Sam would be better for me. One night, I was really upset and I just wanted to get things figured out and I thought, “Maybe Carey is right.” So, I texted Jordan saying that I was sorry but I couldn’t do it anymore. Things were getting too complicated. I never did understand why Carey wanted me to chose Sam until one day I get a text from Jordan.

“I just thought you should know... I’m talking to someone else.”

“Really? Who?” I asked.

His texted said, “Who is the hard part…”
I can’t lie. I had noticed that Carey had been texting him and talking to him. So I responded, “Carey?”

“Ya…” is all he replied. I called Marie crying and she knew what was wrong instantly. I believe they were talking even when I was still trying to figure things out. I wonder if he really ever cared about me like I cared about him.

To this day, I’m still with Sam. Happy ending? No. Why not? My story isn’t over yet. Maybe Sam and I will last forever… but maybe I’ll run into Jordan again. We’re still friends but we don’t talk as much. If it’s meant to be, we’ll be together. We always find our way back to each other. Honestly, my story reminds me of the show “Sex and the city” with Carey and Big. You never know how it’ll end but however it does end, I know one thing. I will be happy.