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Do I know?

Do you what frustrates me?
Knowing that someone you care so much about doesn’t believe you. Knowing that when something happens there is no going back. People see what they see and believe what they believe. There are some people you can try over and over to convince but they have it set in their mind and there is no changing it.

Do you know what hurts?
Knowing that time after time you try to see past all the bullshit and try to make the light of a situation. To tell someone what they mean to you, but they can only tell you when they’re drunk. It’s okay in their head, they tell themselves what they are doing is not bad. They satisfy themselves with the best answer they can think of. Is what I’m doing a good thing? Yeah, it’s fine because I’m doing to myself, and not hurting anyone in the process. In reality though, you are hurting someone more than you think. You are giving them feelings that they can’t get rid of. Feelings that kill if they are not true.

Do you know what I think?
I think people do the things they do, to get rid of the feelings that they have. They don’t want to feel the bad things or the good things. They want what’s in between, the happy and the bad. The sense where they’re not feeling anything but what’s in the moment. In their trail they leave the false hope and the tears. They leave with questions that only they can answer , but they never can find the words to say. And everything I feel now and forever is built on a lie. A lie, that when someone tells you they care, in reality they really don’t.

Do you know what I don’t know?
What a person is thinking when they say the things they say? What make the man or woman feel what they feel? Why would someone say they care, but could give to shits about you? These questions still remain unanswered for me. Along with other questions that make me think. In all honesty there is only one person that can answer these questions for me. The person I care so much about and the person that means more to me than he even knows, but I would never tell him. It’s too much pain to really want to know what the other person is thinking. Too much pain to even wonder what could happen.

Do you know how I feel about you?
I may have told you, but you never seemed to care. You may have thought I was kidding, but honesty I wasn’t. When I say I care I mean it more than anything. When I talk to you everyday, I trust you. Making me smile isn’t easy but you do it. You do even though you don’t care, even though I mean nothing to you, even though it hurt me in the long run, and you do it at that moment because it make you feel good . It make you feel like you’ve accomplished something, that many people haven’t. But in all of this, I don’t care because at the time you make me feel good. You make me feel like you care and that I do mean something. You make me want ever piece of you wither it be broken or shattered. You make me want you and only you in that very moment.

Do you know what gets me the most?
The way you smile. They way you do certain things. Wither they be small or big. The way you laugh, when something dumb happens. The way you call me babe, even though I mean nothing to you. The way you make me cry because you say hurtful things. They way you just forget and never think of what you do, But you know what, I forgive you for every stupid little thing that you do. I get past the things you say, that hurt me. Because I care too much about you. I care about losing you, more than anything. I care that you don’t care what happens to your future. I care that you do stupid stuff . Honesty, I don’t do it all for me. I do it for you.

In the end.
You mean the world to me, more than most anyone does. It may not be anything big right now. I know I might be talking just to talk. But I do it because it makes you feel good and it makes me feel good. I do it most of all because I don’t want to lose you. Not now, not ever.





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