The beginning

December 1, 2011
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Dear John,
The first moment I saw you, this being the truth, I saw you like every girl has in this world; Beautiful, handsome, manly, gorgeous, daring and brave. And I wanted you all to myself. I did horrible things. I wrote letters to you and actually gave them to you; I didn't leave you alone and kept on nagging you just like every girl. But I was mistaken. I had done the wrong thing and let my teenage self take over. All manners of society were thrown out the window. I was lost in a world of you. Not knowing the heart wrenching feelings that were ahead of me. After you threw me away like the trash on the streets, twice, I despised you. I hated that I still liked you. I told myself it was love. I lied. Day after day after night after night, the pieces of my heart were blown with the wind. And the ashes scattered over the long seas of my heart. I had built a brick barrier around the precious pieces; guards at every corner stabbed any and every intruder. She was under lock and key, unbreakable, no trespasses. She could not see anyone, nor could anyone see beyond hew tall walls. Hidden and pulled away forever. I tried to move on, but every sign pulled me back to you. Many dreams, two paths, you chose mine not hers. Why? I still ask myself that same question. Finally I lived a life free of you, your presence nowhere to be seen. I was free. One September morn, I took my soul on trial for a mission trip. When I found out you were also going it was too late to back out. Eight of us took the plane, fourteen hours of your presence in the sky. Every barrier shot back up, my guards stood on alert. One month with you became a victory. I thought of you as a handsome loving human. Boy was I wrong! You are an arrogant, conceited, stubborn, and cruel man! That's what made Getting to know who you are was astonishing. After the trip, every time I saw you, I wanted to slap you, stomp all over you the way you did with me and throw you into the streets. But I couldn't, you were too kind to me. You cared for not just everyone, but also me. I prayed and poured my heart out to our lord, begging him to keep you safe in his arms, to keep you away from harm. I would die if you had died. Not anymore. No. There may be a slight chance of that still. My heart is broken, but halfway healed. Don't break her again, but mend her instead. The tears have stopped, and one more piece of my heart is missing. The apology. Hurry…before time runs out.


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