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Always Forgive Never Forget

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We had been best friends since kindergarten, that’s almost 10 years. We grew up doing everything together, never being far apart. We would call each other every morning to plan the same outfit; we used to spend weekends, holiday vacations, and snow days together. We were best friends. We were practically sisters. We were even treated like sister when at each other’s house. We each had two sets of parents basically. Our friendship should have lasted forever, but sometimes things change not because you want them to and not because they have to, but because things happen that can never be forgotten.

Everything started to go downhill last year, our freshman year. We had made promises to each other that no matter we would always be there for the other and no matter what we would never go out with someone that the other liked. Well, Kirsten started going out with this really sweet, nice, cute guy. Only problem being I really liked him. She knew that I liked him and after Kirsten told me numerous times she didn’t like him and could never hurt me like that, she started going out with him. We started to fight more and more and talk less and less after that. I was always busy with practice or she was always with him. It was a Wednesday afternoon in September of our sophomore year, when something happened that would make things never be the same again.

My other really good friend Ashleigh was over for the afternoon. Which turned out to probably be a really good thing in the end. I had been on the phone with him, it’s better for me know not to use his name, but for anyone who cares, it’s Dylan. He used to call me all the time and complain about Kirsten, he would tell me everything that bothered him about her but made me promise to never tell her. So I decided that maybe, I could trust him. Well, that was NOT a good idea. This is what started the biggest fight yet. The fight that in the end, probably destroyed our entire friendship.

“I never lied to you... like really?” At first I had no clue what she was talking about.

“umm yeah...” Kirsten I guess didn’t realize that I didn’t understand.

“I have never lied to you a day in my life!” said Kirsten. By then I knew exactly what had happened, that lying douche of a boyfriend she has told her what happened. “Whatever I'm not in the mood for this and I'm not going to act like the whole you and Dylan thing doesn't bother me anymore.

” I didn’t want to fight so I really hoped she would just stop. Well, apparently Kirsten wanted to fight.

“It never used to be awkward until you changed! Like okay I can understand you being upset at first when Dylan and I started dating but like I never knew I was going to like him? Like I can't tell from the first minute I see him if I'm going to date him or not so you can't expect anything like that. And ever since the freshman came into the school you've been acting way different like you're too cool for me, but no not Dylan, It's just me. Like what the heck? I did nothing wrong and you're acting like I'm a scum bag and you won't even talk to me in front of your other friends. And you should know Dylan tells me everything so whatever you tell him you better expect I'll hear about it. It's your choice if you want to talk behind my back or what ever but I'm tried of not saying anything. I know you talk about me like all the time with everyone, and how Dylan and I still bother you or whatever but get over it. It’s been 7 months. You can't possibly still have feelings for him. You have other guys you talk to and Dylan’s my boyfriend okay? I'm sick of it. I just had to get that off my chest.” At first I really didn’t know what to say, I kind of was in a state of shock; but there was no way in hell she was going to yell at me and I wasn’t going to yell back.

“You want to hear about people talking behind your back then listen to what Dylan has told me, he's made me promise about 10 times in the last month not to tell you stuff; he calls me at night just to talk about you sometimes. But whatever this whole me being different started long before the freshman came. We are both different! I'm not saying it's either of our faults and I never said I didn't want to be friends I'm just tired of it being awkward when we are together. I feel like I don't know u anymore but whatever I don't care anymore I'm done trying I got other friends let me know if u want to work stuff out.” I don’t know what Kirsten was thinking but I do know she was probably mad at me just from her response.

“You want to give up our friendship that we have had for 10 years? Go ahead, be my guest. I never said I wanted to end anything that was you. So go ahead, do what you want. Leave me and I hope you feel like s*** because I did nothing wrong!” I was hurt that she would say “go ahead... leave me...” I thought we were better friends than that.

“I never said I didn't want to work things out. I have a lot going on at home (which you would know if we ever talked) and I can't take it right now, if you want to work things out without all of the yelling let me know... because I'm not trying if you’re just going to be mean!” I was really hoping she would work things out.

“You legit just said, ““I don't care anymore. I have other friends, I don't need you”” So that's what I'm going by. So then I'll let you be.” That was really not what I wanted to hear.

“I said I wanted to work stuff out apparently you don't so whatever BYE!” By this time I was basically curled up in Ashleigh’s lap, ready to cry. Well, Kirsten wasn’t going to take that.

“If you were a true friend you wouldn't keep yelling at me and you never would have gotten mad at me in the first place when I went out with Dylan. So all right I'll go. Bye.” If Kirsten was going to keep yelling at me I was yelling back.

“You started the yelling, I only followed and if you were a true best friend, you would have kept your promise!”

“We never made a promise like that because we can't control who we like and who we don't! And who likes us and who doesn't like us! But if you are willing to throw everything away for lets say your freshman friends, who you don't even know that well, be my guest. If you feel that way I guess I will too.” I was hurt, that was our promise.

“That was our promise, that no matter what happens we would never hurt the other! I don’t know what to say. I want to be friends but I guess, I don't know, I just can’t keep acting like nothings wrong when we both know there is...”

“Well what’s wrong in your eyes? Is it me? It's always me. You know it takes two to date right? It's not just me! It’s him too” I was confused, when did this turn into an argument about him? Ashleigh was reading over my shoulder.

“Why the f*** is she saying anything about Dylan?” I had no answer. I only answered Kirsten.

“This has nothing to do with Dylan! Ok this is you and me and it’s both of us but I don't know... we have both changed a lot... I don't know what you want me to do.” Apparently Kirsten didn’t know what to do either.

“I don't know what the heck is wrong! Why are you mad at me?”
“Honestly I don't know any more, the promises broken, fights had, the awkward talks, the talking to me like I'm less then you...” I could have kept going but I felt bad.
“What the Heck!? I never talk to you like your less than me. You're the one who is acting all high and mighty. You don't even acknowledge me when you’re with your freshman friends.” That was where the line was drawn; I wasn’t going to take that. I heard crap from my freshman friends every day about talking to her when they were around. None of them got along well.

“Yes I do I say hi whenever I see you. I don't know, I just don't know!”

“No you don't!” How could she keep up with the lies?

“Ah I can't do this, good bye, text me when we can talk and actually work stuff out.” I didn’t want to fight anymore.

“Alright I was trying? But I guess that was not good enough, how about you text me.” I just didn’t want to fight anymore.

“Nah you can text me, you started this. It seems we are just arguing more so let’s both chill off.” Apparently Kirsten’s view was different.

“I didn't start anything, you started it when you talked to Dylan!”

“He told me to call him and I never told him to talk to you about it. I trusted him which I see now was a mistake. Hope you two are happy.” Ashleigh was hugging me; I was shaking and really had no clue what to do anymore.

“There should never be anything you say about me that I can't hear. That's talking behind my back. Dylan meant to call his sister. Clearly you’re stuck on this whole thing about me and Dylan so I'll just let you be and I will be happy :)” I really couldn't believe what she was saying. “Are you kidding me? Do you want to see the messages he sent me, and the stuff he says behind your back? Oh yeah great boyfriend you have!”

“Whatever you clearly don't understand people’s feelings, which apparently you don't have. I'm done with you, you always put me down because I think your jealous. And If you think Tim is such a bad boyfriend then why don't you leave him alone?” “Your are being such a brat right now! I'm trying to at least get feelings out and you're freaking out on me, and telling me my boyfriend is a jerk. You know what? Whatever. You were never really my friend in the first place!” I threw the phone across my room and just started to cry. Ashleigh held me until I could calm down. After about 10 minutes I replied back,. I was tired of being nice now. So I decided to be a smart ass.

“Ok :), Bye :)”

“Exactly what I mean. F*** you!”

“F*** you too my love :) <3” I really don't know why but Kirsten decided to text me back after that.

“You promised you would never be a step apart, that we would be together forever, never separate, never distant. Do you remember that? I do!” My smart ass side came out again,

“So two can brake promises, at least I'm a big enough girl to admit to mine :)” I was done now. I couldn't take anymore. She never answered me back and truthfully that is probably a really good thing. I sat with Ashleigh and cried for I don't know how long. When I finally got up, I took down everything she ever gave me or any pictures of us in my room and put them all in a box.

This was the last time we talked. It was all of an hour-long conversation; but in the end it was probably the last. Everything from her is in a box, in the back of my closet, away. I don't think I want to see it. I want to talk to her, I want to be able to walk up and laugh with her. We had so many good memories together. We have more inside jokes than you can imagine. I'm going to miss her in some ways but not in others. I feel like I might have more freedom now; almost like she was holding me down. I'm going to miss her and maybe someday we can work things out so we can at least talk. We will never be the way we used to be. Too many things were said that day to forget; always forgive, never forget.





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