Living a Gay Life

December 29, 2011
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I feel like anybody who posts anything about being gay on here just posts what it's like to come out. Nobody ever says anything about what it's like or how they knew or anything. I'm going to be different. 
I knew I was gay when I was younger, I just never wanted to accept it. As I'm coming to learn now, acceptance is important when you're dealing with being different. I've never been the girly little girl, but some people could just equate that to being a tomboy. When I first looked at a girl and my heart fluttered the way it doesn't with guys, I knew. 
It took me a long time to quit pushing it away. Fifteen and a half years, all of my life, and it came to one day. I met a lot of gay girls at camp this summer. They were all proud to be who they are. My counselors were both gay and even in a relationship. Everybody around me was proud of who they were. Why shouldn't I be?
I still remember that September day when I texted all my camp friends and my counselor and told them I was bi. For the longest time, that's what I thought I was. It took me another three months for me to realize that I'm not bi, I'm fully gay. 
Here, on this December day, I sit here and believe in myself. I know that I'm gay, and I'm proud of it. The long, complicated story of what happened between coming out to friends as bi and now knowing I'm gay isn't necessary. It was painful. But now, I live happily with a girlfriend. I get to see my girlfriend in a few days. My parents still don't know I'm gay. 
Life as gay can be rough. Some of my best friends don't talk to me because of it. Others don't want to accept me as gay. I haven't changed. I'm still the same girl I was before. I just know who I love now. There are always those who sit with open arms to you still. My exboyfriend, the last boyfriend I had, I was bi during our relationship. I just never really felt it. I told him the other day that I'm gay. He still is there for me whenever. People are out there. 
That being said, that makes being gay sound easy. It isn't. I'll always feel alone no matter how many people know. Right now, my family doesn't know about me. I walk down the halls and stairs in our house and just feel like I'm hiding. I will always know I'm different from everybody around here. That's no surprise. Gay people are different than straight people and that's possibly the hardest part. 
I'm proud to call myself gay. I know that who I love is only one aspect of who I am. I love girls. Deal with it. I'm a lesbian. 
One of the things that one of the closest people to me when I was bi said this: "I like boys, you like girls. You like boys and girls. But what does that matter? You're still the same girl you were. That girl? Shes strong and amazing. Embrace her. Love her with open arms. Never let her go." The next time a friend calls you up and says they have something important to tell you? Think about who they are before you block them out for being gay. Gay people need friends also

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