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To My Ex

Dear Ex;

Sorry. I just lied. You are not dear to me. You were. And then you ruined it.

In the beginning, it was almost love. You talked to me, you gave me gifts, you lamely attempted to comfort me. It was sweet. You befriended my brother, who knows if you were using him to get to me or if it was just a coincidence, but considering how you dropped him, it was probably the first. But still, in the beginning, you were so, so sweet.

I still remember so clearly that field trip in fourth grade. How you tried to sit by me at the play. You ended up sitting three of my friends down from me. But my friend that you sat by, she talked to you. At school, right before we left for the day, you were talking to her again. I thought you liked her. Until you walked up to me and asked to talk. Well, aren't you already, I said. I suppose I am, you replied. Then you told me. You'd liked me since third grade. And I thought, wow, a whole year? That's serious. I stood there, stunned, after you left. My friends circled me and I gladly gave up all of the information.

To my joy, you followed me around like a puppy dog for a year. You asked me out one pretty day in December, the first day it snowed that season. I said yes, of course. And then, I slowly began to see the real you.

You see, our school is a very good school for the 'special ed' students in my area. We saw them often. I always said hi and smiled at those kids when I saw them. You however, you would talk about them after they were wheeled away. That one smelt like s**t, you would say. The more it happened, the more upset I was with you. Every other person around the school was either ugly or retarded to you, and I hated it.

But I still liked you. I liked the fourth grade you more than I like the present day you, but no matter. It was still you. He's going through a tough time, I told myself. I was just making excuses and I apologize for that.

Near the middle of fifth grade, you told me. I'm moving, you said, for my step dad's job. The job that just so happened to have brought you to me in third grade. We promised to email, and call, and your mom promised you would visit. And you did.

The first time you visited, you came trick or treating with my brother and I. This was almost a year after you had left, and I was going through an ugly phase; glasses that looked like that of a librarian, and bad braces along with a retainer. You barely talked to me or my brother. It devastated both of us, though we would never admit it. That's how I know you only befriended my brother to get to me.

The summer of sixth grade, you visited again. But you didn't visit me. In fact, I nor my brother even knew you were in town. Immediately following my finding out from the very friend that encouraged you to tell me how you felt in fourth grade, I texted you. Why didn't you even tell me, I asked. How could you not want to visit me? I guess I know now. You never responded to those questions, even to this very day, two years later.

A week after I found out you didn't visit me, I broke up with you. You texted me back, for the first time in nearly a year, saying 'that's okay. I already have a girlfriend'. I cried for days about that message. Not that you probably even cared.

After I was already over you, one of my friends added you as a friend on Face book. I was okay with it. I'd moved on, after all. By this point, the summer of seventh grade, I had gotten contacts, my teeth were basically straight, and my hair had lost it's poof. My friend, she posted a picture of me, smiling right into the camera, with her comment saying 'Fun at the zoo'. All of her pictures from that day included me, me standing next to a polar bear with my long tan legs poking out from beneath jean shorts, me and my friend's faces smashed up against the glass of the penguin exhibit, with a little penguin doing a flip in the background. You commented on the picture of me that displayed my perfect legs saying 'Does she have a boyfriend yet?'. My friend responded saying 'Nope, but if you're asking, I can tell you it's a no'. You defriended my friend on Face book. We haven't heard from you since.

So in parting, I just wanted to tell you that I'm better without you. You were a jerk to everybody, even me. You probably never even liked me for me. Why else would you stop contact after you saw me in my ugly phase? You're an egotistic jerk, as well, which for your information is even worse than a regular jerk. And if I could, I would say so much more. But you'll likely never read this, and really I'm just blowing of steam, because I'm newly mad at the world. But still, it's true.
Hate you always,
Your Ex



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