Nub Awareness Month

December 12, 2011
By sundaysmile SILVER, Jackson, Mississippi
sundaysmile SILVER, Jackson, Mississippi
9 articles 0 photos 8 comments

This month is Nub Awareness Month. In case you’re wondering which month specifically – if it has days, weeks, and quacks like a month, then it is truly Nub Awareness Month. Education is crucial, as nubs are all around us in our society today.They are our friends, our siblings, parents, teachers, and politicians. As your eyes are doing the Cupid Shuffle across this article, you are reading a piece by none other than the Queen of Nubs. Pleasure to meet you.

What is a nub, you may ask? Frankly, there is no exact definition of the term as nubs have a terrible time using words to express themselves. Nubs can best be explained as the extra thumb on the pizzle piece, the oval shape in the circular puzzle we call life. There are key signs to nubbiness that must be brought to lights to bring fellow nubs to come out of the wardrobe and live their lives with socially awkward pride:
If you were glasses for no cosmetic reasons whatsoever, while refusing to wear contacts simply because you don’t trust yourself NOT to poke your own eyes out – you’re a nub.
If you identify with Sid off of Ice Age – you may be a nub.
If you enjoy the company and conversation of your teachers ten times more than your fellow students –you might be a nub.
If things sound SO much better in your head mainly because in your head you were confident and didn’t st-stutter – then it’s entirely possible you’re a nub.
If music makes you do terribly embarassing things you categorize under “dance moves” –you’re definitely a little on the nubbish side.
If school breaks lasting more than a day depress you, the nubness force is with you.
If you’ve noticed by now that this sounds oddly like Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be A Redneck” stand-up, you get a nub sticker!
If the thought of actually getting a sticker excites the hell out of you- well hello, nubby!
If anything that isn’t Spongebob on Nickelodeon pisses you off, you’re a nub.
If your mom really is your best friend – she’ll be exstatic to know what to blame your social retardation on, nub-shorts.
If you’re older than fourteen years old and still OMGLYKLUFF Twilight… you don’t deserve to be called a nub! Read a real book, loser.
There are several other key landmarks to nubbiness that should be recorded but alas, will go untold. Nubs such as I are not much on self-discipline and distract easily. If you’re not just a contrarian, or a dramatic emo kid, but genuinely feel defficient from the world around you, you are a nub. Welcome to our club. We had cookies and coffee for you, but we eated them all. Nevertheless, we are a special society and you deserve to have pride in your nub-ness. So hold your head up high, precious! You are perfect just the way you are. You are special. A beautiful creation. You are a nub.

The author's comments:
I did this mostly for fun, as a way to describe myself in the best way I could. However, if it can make one person laugh or not feel like such an alien, then this piece has done it's job. <3

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