Something Personal

December 12, 2011
By MyWrittenTruth GOLD, Ridgefield, New Jersey
MyWrittenTruth GOLD, Ridgefield, New Jersey
17 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is a mess so just have fun with it!!!!"
"Im me and if you don't like it then,well, I don't really care!!XP"

The innocence of a child can be taken away in the blink of an eye. The minute something changes or happens in a persons life it forms part of them. There is no escaping memories because at the end of the day no matter where you run to you will always have to return to reality. Sometimes its hard so you do everything possible to stay away from the harshness of reality because reality itself is so painful that even the strongest of wills breaks under the pressure. Someones will is measured by what they do with the things they have been taught and the things they have over come. However, if someone is attacked before they can be taught they will immediately fall. Will power is always there but for those who have been fighting people who are attacking them since before they could understand will they will not understand that they can create as much power as they need to survive with their own hands. Their lives are controlled by what happens to them and they will become empty in the end. There will be nothing but darkness raging inside of them and they have no idea what it feels like to feel that burning warmth that is given by a person who loves them for merely being themselves. In the deepest darkness that gripped their hearts one person could save them from disaster.... someone who loves them.

This is something I never really thought I would write/type because it was hard to think I knew something like this to be a reality. I went through a lot throughout my entire life and even as I understand that I did not have the worst of lives I did have one that was hard to live. Battling through severe depression and thoughts of harming myself I only survived because I knew it would destroy my family and one friend if I did it. People look at me and think well she has no physical injuries so nothing could possibly be so bad. Yes its true I don't have scars from harming myself and I have never been to the hospital for something severe but that doesn't mean I didn't get injured. My scars never made it to my outer appearance because I didn't want anyone to know I was so damaged to begin with and I couldn't bear the thought of someone I care about feeling upset that it had gotten so bad that I felt the need to harm myself and they couldn't stop it from happening.

My scars are there but they can not be seen. What I mean is that even though you don't see scars on my body they are still there in my heart. When I breath, sleep, talk, feel, and even in my dreams those scars follow me and even though I can't touch them or see them I can still feel them. They are all over my heart and soul and they are always there. Over the years some have faded and others are still as large and ragged as they where from the start but either way they are there. I know for a fact that I will probably always have these scars on my heart and even as they fade or they stay put they will never be fully healed. I am forever damaged by each and every scar.

However, even as scared as I am I never give up. I try as hard as I can to survive and heal my heart. I don't say that I am damaged to hurt myself; I do it to acknowledge the fact that I know whats wrong with me and what isn't. To say sure I am damaged but is that really a bad thing. Is it a bad thing that I know pain and suffering and that I can understand the pain of another human being. I think on of my greatest strengths is that I am damaged in a way because it always leaves me room for improvement and change and it lets me understand another person who has suffered through hardships. I'm proud to say that I no longer feel the need to hold a grudge against the people who hurt and ridiculed me. Sure I may never be able to fully forgive them for putting me through hardships but I no longer think about them or about how much I hate them. I simply think about the future and the life I want to lead. So yes I have problems and yea I am damaged but more importantly I have a gift that is worth living for and that is to understand another persons pain and how hard it is to get up and walk during and after having suffered such feelings.

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