What Hurts the Most

December 12, 2011
There’s no chapters to my life it only starts out when I was eleven and my Dad left me. Then, after that I got nothing right. I keep screwing up. I keep messing up and making the wrong choices. No one understands. I stand up even when I fall down. I never finished the story when I say “My Dad left me”. I never do. I stop and walk away. I never have the guts. I hide my sadness with anger waiting for myself to explode. I wait for the tears to escape my eyes feeling like I won’t stop crying, it’s my greatest weakness. I feel like crying will always be my enemy but people say it’s healthy for the body. I hate to admit but their right. People ask me what hurts the most to me and I say is goodbyes. Goodbyes. They suffocate me. When I say goodbye I feel like I’m abandoned. When I’m close to a person even for a short time but our bond is strong it hurts. A lot. Separation. It’s the same idea. The ones I love, I hurt it’s what hurts the most. Death. That is indescribable it scars you. There are no words. It’s the last goodbye you get. All of the above are hard to handle. God gives us nothing we can’t handle or we may all be dead. Our minds may not handle it well but we still live to this day. It’s a new day everyday. Make the best of it. When you need love, hope, and faith you’re not alone. We all need it. We need friends there. Until you lose it. You lose one person or many,they are always there with you when you don’t even know it. People make the wrong decisions that lead to harming you in the mind that can hurt you in the inside. You feel it. Being Helpless. You can’t do anything. You are stuck in the middle of life. People need to heal from there scars and everything that hurts but everyone heals at there own pace. Caring is another thing if everyone cared are world would be completely different. You need to care. You need to love. You need to have faith and hope. When things get tough in life you need to move one step at a time even if it hurts at first. You will start to lessen the pain as you heal. Move forward through life it’s only a new beginning as you move each step of the way. Life will make a path that you will walk on. It will show the way each choice you make. It may make you swerve but life is about making mistakes. Getting stuck somewhere but you learn from each one and you get stronger and stronger as you do. You keep moving and keep walking on the path you make. You cry. You get angry. You show sadness. You breathe and wait. Wait for the pain to go away and you do but never let your heart get cold or let yelling get in the way along the way. You let God help you as you go through life. He listens and helps you when you don’t know it. God guides you as you go. Life is the greatest thing. Life shows happiness and the birth of a new person that will someday be the greatest he or she can be as they go through life. She may need help but there is nothing wrong with help. There is nothing wrong with needing it. It’s another guide because they have the ability to know what’s best. Like your parents they made mistakes and you gain there trust as you grow up. Some may have had parents that made too many mistakes to know what’s right from wrong and can’t even tell what trust is. That they may not even know their parents at all. No one said life was fair. It’s not going to be fair. No one is the same. No one is you. It doesn’t matter what people think of you. It’s what you view of yourself. It may hurt you what you see and you ignore it but it’ll come back to you and you will learn as you notice more and more. You want respect that’s what most people want to change for. You want to impress people that you are worth something but people don’t know you are always worth something even when you think you’re not. You always have the talent that you are good inside. That there is something always special about you. People think they never feel it but there is always something God gives you that you don’t know that makes you special in your own way. Things hurt in life. Actions can turn around on you and it will hurt. Even when you don’t want to show your emotions or your feelings you still feel it. People want to be strong like I do but you are strong. Sometimes you feel weak but every person is strong in their own way and for different reasons. That you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Believing in yourself. Believing in others. Believing that the things that may be tough can happen will make you strong as you work towards it. Love. Love to me is the strongest thing everyone needs love. People do so many things for love. We may abuse the love we have to others that we harm them when we never meant to. That in life you feel like you said too many sorrys. Well, that’s were my story begins. How I got to where I am today. How I hurt the others I love and how I said way too many sorrys. How I learned to love again. How my emotions can affect everyone around me. How I didn’t know how to make the right choices. How I gained trust. How I got hope and faith again. How I learned to trust in God. Most importantly how I got stronger and stronger to where I am today.

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