Change MY Mind?

December 11, 2011
depression is not a choice, state of mind, or sign of weakness. it is a disease that involves a chemical imbalance in the brain, refraining the brain from supplying enough serotonin to produce an overall feeling of well-being. it darkens your thoughts, takes away any happy memories, and makes you feel like nothing will ever change or get better. it sticks you in a rut and convinces you that you will never be good enough to get out of it. so many idiots say that people with depression are just weak, that they can’t deal with sadness and should just get over it. there’s no ‘getting over it’ with clinical depression. you can’t just change your mind and be happy again. it takes years of medication and therapy to even begin to be able to overcome depression. imagine opening your eyes every morning, and wanting nothing more but to never open them again. going through each and every day knowing that the next one will be just as dark, just as lonely. having no motivation to keep moving forward. being surrounded by people who love you and not being able to let yourself love them back. listening to the people who’ve cared for you the longest tell you how much you matter (if you’re so lucky), and not being able to believe them. you think everyone’s simply lying to you, about everything. every move you make there’s a voice in your head telling you how stupid you are for doing that one thing. and you know what else? it’s your voice. there’s no ‘changing your mind’ about that. your mind is no longer yours to control. you could come home one day from the having the best night of your life; being with friends, surrounded by happiness, and not being to help crying for no apparent reason. and then of course, there’s the guilt. the feeling of guilt that sets in whenever a crying fit comes on instantaneously, without any given reason. the feelings of self hatred; looking in the mirror and feeling literally sick because of what you see. you’re never good enough for yourself. never. nothing makes the bad thoughts go away. sure a few moments of euphoria could waltz on by, but after they’ve gone you can’t even remember how they felt. happy memories are just a reminder that you will never be that happy again. there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, no light anywhere. just darkness, pain, and misery. if you know somebody who is or even seems depressed, reach out to them. even if they have a bunch of friends and a boy/girlfriend, i guarantee they feel alone. no one should go through life living in darkness, anxiety or fear. when someone envisions the future, they should feel excited or ambitious, not terrified and anxious. you don’t know what depression is like until you’ve dealt with it, personally. so don’t judge.

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