When I receieved the worst news of my life,it was like no other feeling. My body shut down completely, and I felt the nerve to run. Anywhere. Run far. I couldn't move, I let the pain settle in as my heart as it began its steady beat once more. I wouldn't feel sorry for myself, not when I had so much, even when I had lost it all. I wouldn't cry, I'd stay strong. You were alive. You were breathing, somewhere, somehow, far off in the distance. Too far for me to get through to you. To tell you the things on my mind, that were now escaping onto the paper in front of me. Too far for you to hear my silent cry. Not that I'd want you to bare witness to my breakdown. Every emotion possible came through me like a fire. A burning flame igniting my fiery heart, that once burnt for you. That once beat for you, but is now torn apart, not able to function right. Not able to be heard. Not able to be still. Not able to go on. I want so bad to scream these words, loud enough to wear they are audible for you to hear. Then I think to myself, maybe you aren't so far away, maybe you are near.
Can you hear me
December 8, 2011