You Can't Run From Yourself

December 5, 2011
By HelloCerberus BRONZE, Winchester, California
HelloCerberus BRONZE, Winchester, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I must say a word about fear. It is life\'s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy.”

After reading over 100 pages of last night, I went around my school with sticky notes today with quotes saying things like “Excuse me miss, but you dropped your smile,” “You are beautiful,” and “Knock them dead.” I put them all over the girls bathrooms and through the hall ways. In a matter of one class period, the narks had taken them ALL down. It kills me that they could so easily destroy the hope I tried to put in people. All they see is kids “graffiti-ing” the school. It’s ridiculous. I don’t think that adult staff and whatnot realize how many kids struggle everyday just to keep going. They think these smiles we flash are REAL. Well, they’re not. People are starving, cutting, bruising, burning, and abusing themselves. People lie awake at night listening to the growing voice that points out all their FLAWS. We do drugs and drink and cause ourselves pain to try to ESCAPE, but nothing works. We realize that we can’t run from ourselves. Girls try to use sex as a substitute for the love their parents never gave them. We watch our parents destroy themselves, and their marriages. They scream. And all we can do is sit back and watch, as our families, and lives fall apart. We’re trying so damn hard to find something to smile about, but it’s kind of hard when you come home to pure hell. Kids are getting abused. Neglected. Shut down. Adults laugh when teens say they are “in love.” They say it will pass, and that we’re being immature, and we don’t know what love is. Well, f*** that. Dad, I am more in love than you EVER were. Your parents are supposed to be role models for these types of things, but when your role model cheated on his wife for 10 years out of 20 it’s kind of hard to really put your faith in them. And when 50% of marriages end in divorce, it’s hard to believe in love in the first place. I truly believe that it’s the adults who are being ignorant. I know people who have run miles to save a friend who was thinking of suicide. I know people who are sacrificing themselves to help others find happiness. I know people who can barely support themselves, and yet they are offering to use all their money to save a girl who just found out she was pregnant. This girl is in foster care, and is being abused. But we are working to save her, because no body else will. Now, there are many adults who have changed my life, and who really do understand all that I am saying, but there are those who don’t. They don’t realize. Or they don’t care. They’re lost in their own selfish world of self-pity. And that’s all they can think about. Meanwhile, we are all struggling, ourselves. We used to grow up in a world where “anything was possible. You can do whatever you set your mind to.” But how are we supposed to believe that when people are getting persecuted and killed for their Races. Religion. Sexuality. Beliefs. Everything. How are we supposed to believe in a better future when everyone is filled with hate. We started losing faith in humanity… and then ourselves. And the truth is. We are all scared. Scared that things will never change. People won’t change. The hurt won’t go away. The pain will never cease. We are scared of ourselves, because sometimes the visions of death creep so close, and seem so REAL. We are scared one day we might lose it. We are scared. Because all we really want is to live, and to love, and to come together as one. But this all seems like such a far away dream.. But still we keep dreaming, and suffering. In silence. And we hope and pray that something amazing will happen, and change everything. But if that doesn’t happen soon…… we will all be gone before the chance to change appears……

Please re-blog. Show people that they are NOT alone. And maybe, just maybe, one day we will be able to change the dark cloud that has been slowly but surely growing over all of our heads.

The author's comments:
Just the thoughts that circulate around my head every day.

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This article has 3 comments.

on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:34 am
live-and-let-rock BRONZE, Cleveland, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
This is amazing. Thank you so much for putting these words out there.

on Dec. 7 2011 at 5:02 pm
taylorhazlett BRONZE, Ventnor, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments
this is an article that speaks the truth. i am lucky enough to have nothing like this going on in my life, but there are others who are not so lucky. adults need to realize that for some people, a smile is a fake act to please people. people need to know they are beautiful. every sing one of them. 

on Dec. 7 2011 at 3:52 pm
dulcesol BRONZE, Northfield, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"We do not remember days; we remember moments." -Cesare Pavese

Your writing really made me think. You are so right in how everyone is scared and everyone is trying to find an escape. Thank you for putting that up, it was a beautiful piece.

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