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Voices, Hallucinations, and Bipolar

It was like I was all alone. Except for Them. It was like there was no family around me, trying to comfort me. It was like I was all by myself in this little shell, and They were trying to get through. Which they were, breaking through the shell like it was thin glass. I couldn’t do anything by cry, and beg Them to stop.

They…are the voices and hallucinations that I had, due to my Bipolar Disorder. There were countless voices, so many I lost count of them all after 200, but there were about four or five main ones. And they told me how I would die, and how slow and painful it would be. They would tell me how I’d be alone for my life, and that I had no support.

The hallucinations…God, there were a lot. Shadows, a girl in the upstairs hall closet, a girl that followed me around, a demon…Not to mention the random ones I saw whenever. There were two different shadows, a black one, and a white one. And they were blobs of darkness. To this day, I still see the white one. Thank God I don’t see any of the other evil ones. Especially the girl. I can’t even talk about her, it brings back too many horrible memories.

I felt trapped in my own mind. It was almost as though I couldn’t escape from the voices and other things. The voices got so loud that sometimes I couldn’t hear anything but them. I hated my life, and thought a hundred times to kill myself. I then forced myself to become afraid of knives, that way I wouldn’t harm myself.

The only thing that could help me during that time, was my Dad, my Guns N’ Roses DVD, and the game Monopoly. I’d sit there for hours, playing Monopoly with Mom and Dad, playing my videos. It helped, so they did it.

To this day, I’m still afraid of the dark. I still don’t like knives. And I don’t like to be alone for too long. I hear things outside of my door. And I try not to open the closet. It was a horrible time, that will remain with me for the rest of my life.




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