Just a puddle?

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Hello. You've read a few articles on bravery, friendship and love. This is not one of those articles. This is an article where I am talking about something I could never talk about to a real person. Something shameful. My "medical condition". That's how I put it to my friends. I've never told them what it is, no matter how many times they ask. I couldn't. I can't. I wish I could.

My "condition" doesn't exactly have a name. It would be easier if it did, but it doesn't. It's not even a condition exactly, just something wrong with me. And this thing is: I have a problem with my bladder. I am a teenager, and I wet my pants every day. No, I'm not joking, and yes, I'm serious, and before you turn away in disgust, just think "maybe this is what she was talking about". Maybe that is exactly the reason she doesn't tell her friends, or her teachers or anyone. My parents and my doctors know, and that's about it. The doctors and nurses at the hospital are ever so kind, but they don't understand what it's like to have to go through high school hoping there isn't a darker splotch on the back of your shorts. Hoping you haven't left a wet mark on the seat you just sat on. Hoping the people whispering in the corner aren't whispering about you. Hoping that when your peers look around and say "what is that SMELL?" they don't see the fear in your eyes. Fear of being found out. Fear of being judged even more than I already have been (and trust me, I've been seriously judged, as I'm sure you yourself have been, too).

Though there is no diagnosis for this, there may be other diseases and such that may suggest my problem is a possible symptom rather than a problem in itself. For example: at one point a doctor thought I might have diabetes, which was contributing to my problem (excuse me if I tend to call it "my problem", I don't really know what else to call it and I'm not especially keen on the whole calling it a "wetting pants" thing. It's not exactly an admirable name) and so this doctor carried out a number of tests (blood tests etc). Turns out I'm probably not diabetic, but he's now convinced I have a variety of diseases all combining to form this bigger problem (in case you're interested, he now thinks I have ammonia, chronic fatigue syndrome and many others that I have no idea how to spell. He's convinced of these diseases because of other symptoms pointing to them, but I think I'm boring you now, so I'm going to move on).

It's not like I don't do anything to try and sort out my problem. I have a water regime where I have to drink increasing amounts of water to try and increase my overall water intake. This probably sounds very stupid, as you may be thinking, "Wait, if she has a problem with wetting, why are they telling her to drink more water? Wouldn't that make the problem worse?" and in the short run, yes that is correct (increased water = increased 'I REALLY NEED TO GO'), but in the long run my bladder should grow accustomed to this increased intake of water and actually expand. A little bit freaky, I guess. "Hey guys, my bladder's expanding!" Not my ideal pickup line. Anyway, back to the point. So I try to drink a lot more water. Sound simple? It's not. Not when you're in class and you actually have other more important things to to think about than: "I should really take another drink right now, so my bladder can expand. Yay!" You forget really easily, and then BAM! Square one all over again. It sucks.

Especially when you really have to go in the middle of class and the teacher keeps rambling on and on and on and on and on and on and won't stop. Thankfully, I asked my health nurse to write a note to my dean who gave me a note to excuse me out of class for five minutes to 'take medication'. This made things a lot easier for me, thankfully. You see, I'm still in the 'short run' of the progression with my water intake, and one of the really bad part of my problem is that I usually don't know when I need to go, until I really NEED to go. Add these two situations together and you get a situation where you need to go RIGHT NOW. But to get to the toilets on time is pretty much as it has been all my life: Mission Impossible. And believe me, I'm no ninja.

Well I guess I won't drone on much longer about my embarrassing medical problem. I do just want to say a few quick words to you, personally, though.
Firstly, if you know someone who has a similar problem to me around your school or your neighborhood, DON'T BULLY THEM. They, like me, did not choose to have this, like a cancer patient does not choose to have cancer. What I do believe we have a choice in is the attitude we take towards this thing. For me, I choose to try my very best at my water intake, as it is practically my only chance of ever improving this condition.

Thank you for reading, and listening to my story. Please help me, and help others. Do what you can to make this story heard. I'm tired of being silent.

Just because you're alive, doesn't mean you're living
So LIVE your life, and LOVE every second of it
:)





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clumsyteardropper said...
Jan. 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Wow, you seriously need to write more! I have so much to say right now... I mean, #1: you have a great sense of humor. You did not entirely write this in a depressing way... If you had, then no one would want to read it unless it was poetry or something ('cause poetry can put off the depressing look very well). #2: You explained you issue seriously, therefore the reader (or at least I did) TOOK you seriously, you know what I mean? and #3: since this isn't entirely a rare problem, there are ... (more »)
 
isimplywish replied...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 5:38 am
thank you so much, you just brightened up my week! I cried when I read your comment, it meant so much to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And sorry for the late reply haha :)
 
Villangel said...
Dec. 19, 2011 at 9:26 pm
This is really good. I can relate to always checking if I have a blotch on my pants when I'm on my rag, but I can't imagine having to go through your problem. you're a really good writer, keep writing more.!
 
isimplywish replied...
Dec. 29, 2011 at 6:57 am
thank you SO much!! You have no idea what it means to me! I didn't know how it would be received. I think I will start writing some more stuff on TI, so new stuff coming soon! :D Thanks again, it means a lot to hear (or see, in this case) you say that :)
 
Villangel replied...
Dec. 29, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Ha no problem, and I'd really like to see your new work.!
 
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