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First Love

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What’s it like to fall in love for the first time? Well I can tell you; it’s the most thrilling feeling in the world. It feels like flying, and that’s not an exaggeration. The dopamine the brain delivers serves as a natural high, letting the said person in love soar higher than the best of marijuana. It’s scary though, to be able to feel such happiness because surely, there’s an equivalent emotion opposite to that. What goes up must come down right?

What’s it like to lose the person you love for the first time? I can tell you as well; it hurts. Not the kind of pain that just hits all at once, but the kind that rolls like waves through the body. It’s the tears and the ache in the chest that tells you you’re in pain but it’s the emptiness that signifies the loss. It’s the hollowness, the inability to see tomorrow that is the worst. You can always push past the pain, but you can’t see through the darkness. I haven’t been able to see anything for a while now. Everything is just the same; my family is fine, my friends are great and the only thing that seems to be changing is the season. But yet, no matter where I look, everything is different. The trees are still trees, but they’re no longer the providers of oxygen. They no longer look like the natural beauties sprout forth from our gracious planet. No, they’re barren, ugly and mean. They scratch and claw and they move through the night air spooking the bravest of us all. The blue sky is no longer magnificent; the crisp air and the white clouds are just gas and water. Nothing is wondrous and everything is different even though they’re the same. That’s what it feels like to have a broken heart. There is no hope or wish; there is no joy; there is no promise of a new life, or relationship, or career or anything. There’s emptiness. Even when you’re with the person you think you can grow to love, there is nothing.
You can’t mend a broken heart. At least, I don’t think you can fix something that fragile after it’s been shattered. They say first loves are always the best, the greatest, the strongest and of course it’s true. Until you’ve had your first love, your heart is whole. It’s ready to accept love and all its triumphs and obstacles. It waits for the new experience; it thrives to beat fast for one person. It races at the thought of someone and it pumps excessive amounts of heat to the cheeks when that person is near. Everyone has that chance; everyone has one entire heart, ready to love and ready to be loved. But once the heart is broken, nothing is the same anymore. It can no longer be ready for love like it used to be. The shattered pieces can only push so much emotion through the body; there is no fluttering, there is no movement. There is skepticism, for the heart will never be ready completely for love again. There is doubt, for perseverance teaches us to not make the same mistake again. Why break what’s remaining into even tinier pieces?
First loves are great; treasure it because there is no knowing when that would end. There are some lucky people in the world that’s never had a broken heart. To those people, I tell them to be appreciative. To them, I wish forever happiness, for it is a blessing to be able to believe whole heartedly in love. But to those that have broken hearts, be strong. We may never be able to love the same way again, but we will be able to love. Sometimes, that’s all we can hope for; to be able to love someone, not as strongly, but that’s just going to have to be enough.





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