My shaking cries kept me from the sleep I so desperately wanted to fall victim to. My purple carpet was plagued with white crumbled up tissues that couldn’t hold as much snot as I cried. I wanted nothing more in the whole world then to stop, then to silence the wretched tears that swelled my reddened eyes about 5 times their size, laying down wasn’t helping the matter either. My head felt like it was being pumped with water getting denser, and denser. I was getting a massive headache that made the slumber I couldn’t have all the more appealing. It wouldn’t of been this bad if my last hope, my best friend hadn’t given up on me like the rest of the people in this god forsaken town that all had one mission, to break the odd girl, the one that looked different, the one that wore more makeup then them, the one they were afraid of. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. I was leaning on her for comfort and yet her cutting words remained in my mind echoing as reminders I was a lost cause “I can’t help you” over and over again. My whole body pulsated with the pain of yet to be forgotten sobs that promised their return once again to wreak havoc on my already aching heart. My arms stung and burned with the ice cold washcloth I had to place over them to silence the pain for even a few seconds, underneath multiple burns that looked like cuts were hidden in the salvation of the cool cloth. The only real disturbing part of it was the fact that they were not an accident. Why was I doing this? No wonder they all had left me to fend for my own, I was going insane. I had never done this nor planned on doing it, the very thought of self-inflicting wounds on myself gave me shivers, I had never cut, it hurt too bad for me, so I had resulted to heating a needle and burning myself multiple times. I knew I needed help, something was extremely wrong...again. She just had to come back for me, I knew she would she had never left me alone like this before, she would help me….she had to.
Don't Leave Me
November 25, 2011