Too Much To Handle!

November 19, 2011
By , White Cloud, KS
The current events in my life are dragging me down. Before I can tell you I have to say some stuff about my past.

Let's start in first grade. I had to get held back in first grade because I had seizures. That put me a year older than everyone in my grade. Throughout elementary school I had people bullying me saying that I was fat and I didn't have any clothes that fit me. (Not everyone is rich and can afford nice clothes.)

Fast forwarding to 6the grade (thee start of middle school). Withe in thee first 4 months I was breaking out into hives and my stomach started hurting all thee time. I was in thee hospital for almost a month and I lost about 80 pounds. I was diagnosed withe Crohns Disease. That meant that I couldn't get to stressed or too worried about things, if I did I would possibly be out into thee hospital again. After I went back to school everyone started talking to me and said how much they missed me, even though I don't think everyone was telling the truth.

After seventh grade started I started lying to people and became a really bad child. I don't know if I just felt left out or what. I didn't have many friends but I did start hanging out withe thee wrong crowd, and by wrong crowd I mean people who did drugs.

The start of high school (9the grade) was another bad time. I started lying more and started hanging out withe a better crowd I guess you could say. They didn't do drugs but they were very rebellious. When I skipped school one day and went to Walmart and thee Subway in it. We got back to thee school and I was about to walk in when one of my best friends cousin grabbed me by thee arm and said that he needed to talk to me. I told him I couldn't talk because I was going to be late for class. He held me by thee arm and kept pulling me and I told him to let go of me and I would go withe him. He let go of my arm but put his arm around my waste and wouldn't let go. We went to a trophy room under thee football stadium and he shut thee door. I asked him why we had to go to thee trophy room to talk and I leaned up against thee wall and he came over and started kissing me. I pushed him away and I told him I didn’t like him like that. After that he pushed me down on thee floor and undone my pants. I tried to get away but he wouldn’t let me move. Finally he moved off of my leg and I kicked him. I ran for thee door while still trying to stop crying and zipping my pants up. He blocked me and I told him to move but he wouldn’t so I kicked him again and ran out thee door. I went back to thee school and went to class crying. My teachers asked me if I was okay and I told them yeah I just had a really bad headache. I have never told my parents that but I have only told a few friends. In April of my freshman year I moved to five states away. To a smaller town and a even smaller school.

I have currently been living here for 2 years. This year (my junior year) I have been doubling up on classes (I’m taking two math classes, two science classes, Spanish, English, and some more classes ). Just this past Tuesday my grandpa was diagnosed withe cancer, I have had a controlling boyfriend for thee past two weeks, and then today my best friend stopped talking to me because I accidentally told someone she was bi. If you know me I speak my mind when I’m upset. Anyway thee past two days I have been going to school crying. Now let me break this down a little. I had to double up because I thought I was going to be behind on credits but found out after I signed up for thee classes I wasn’t. On top of all thee classes I am involved in FCCLA, NHS, Art and Drama, Spanish club, and I was involved in thee musical till I dropped out because I couldn't handle it.

Now let’s talk about my controlling boyfriend. At first we started talking and he seemed really nice! After we started dating he told me I couldn't talk to any other guys. I just thought that he was just jealous. My friends don’t like him because he sometimes makes me sad when I’m talking to him. Just about every time we talk we get in a fight over something. Yes, I have tried breaking up withe him but every time I try he says he is going to hurt himself. I didn’t want to be responsible for someone’s death so we are still dating. I don’t know how I’m going to break up withe him or even get away from him. He is really sweet and everything but I just can’t handle it!

Finally we get to my that stopped talking to me. You know how when you were small everyone wanted or expected to tell thee truth? Well that’s what I did. Someone we go to school withe came up to me and asked if she was bi or a lez. I said yeah she is bi. One of my other friends looked at me and asked why I said that and then it hit me. I knew I shouldn’t of said that but it was thee truth. I love her to death and now she stopped talking to me. I know I shouldn’t of said that because she wants people to be her friend and not accept her for who she is. Don’t you agree? I have had a lot of bi/gay friends and they didn’t care who knew. They just didn’t want their parent’s to find out. I think that if your going to have friends they need to accept you for who you are.

I have so much going on and I am dealing withe a flair up withe my Crohns right now because of all thee stuff that is going on. Right now I just need a break from my life. I know that God doesn’t put anything on us that we can’t handle but right now if feels like I am living thee life for two or more people. All I can do right now is pray and talk about it withe some people. Well that’s all I’ve been doing. I don’t know anything else I could do.





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