alone against a monster.

As long as i can remember my brother wasn't that bad, just like the Dad I never had, he was the one who taught me most of just about everything I know. Always there for me when I needed him and even when I didn't. I love the guy with all my heart, but at the same time I dont, I hate the man with all my guts. And all of the terror the man has brought to my eyes and even brought before me. It's not like this hasn't happened before; this isn't the first time, but this is the first time I have decided to rhyme and it seems like as the lines progress it gets harder and harder to write, it's all right there like a vivid picture in my mind, tear stricken eyes, my mothers and mine. From all the opprotunities he had it seems like a shame for his life to carry on this way. Even if he chose for it to be like this. A drug addicted individual who leaves a residual affect on all of whom he touches. It's sp hard to hear the words from his mouth that he wants to end his life right here and right now. When all of us around him would greatly miss him, but what is even harder is having him stare you in the eye and saye he wants you to die. The worst momment of my life by far, i'm almost happy the man is now behind bars for the time being, but the worst part is seeing the man you once loved dressed in an orange jumpsuit looking through the glass, with tears only being to hear his voice over the phone with such deep depressing monotone because of the fact that he has had too much time to think about what he did wrong and he finally realizes the affect that he had on all of those around him whether committing crimes or drinking and doing drugs right under our noses and ecen the time i had to moce away from him, not being able to contact him, only being able to see him under parental supervision. (end of page one)

and even then that was only for the shortest time. It has said to be that you don't know how much you appreciate something until it's gone, I feel this way so much with my brother, it's ridiculous how much you think you know somebody but you really don't this was all right under our noses and our eyes it was like we couldn't afford glasses to help us possibly forsee what we could have done or what we could have changed to help me sure that this wouldn't have occured. Some people are "normal" and some people are like diamonds a different view in so many lights or angles, my brother wasn't one or the other, he was the normal diamond everyone say him the same exact way except for himself, who didn't think that he had to follow the rules which made him end up the way he is. Actions are like a boomerang everything has a postive or negative consequence sometimes little things go unnoticed and that's what is was like with my brother he went unnoticed and that turned for the worst, some of these things may be unethical but nobody tried to stop him, as a matter of fact my half brother encouraged what he was doing, Role models influence who you are and how you act and the one my chose wasn't the best, this is hard to write because this is all straight from the heart my true feelings that some might not know because of the fact i'm "so happy" all of the time but really I think i'm starting to realize that these are not my true feelings (end of page two)

and that I have been depressed for quite some time now. This realization isn't good to think, but it is the truth realizing this will hopefully help me in the long run by me being able to get help eiher physically or medically. This s*** has been going on since the spring of my 7th grade year. There were times I wouldn't go to school because too much drama was going on, or simply because my mom thought it wasn't a good idea. I've had to stay in hotels and sometimes i wasn't even allowed to go home because of the potential threat, and even move into the apartment in the summer between 7th and 8th grade . Life went from a home to a little square where i lived 4 months of my life. There are sometimes when my so called "parents" fought over this, there were manty times when i just wanted to run away from the madness because my sadness. Right before this it was a concurrent thing for this so called brother of mine to be flirtin' with the police, now that I start to look back on it, it seems almost time for this guy to do some time, to get a reality check and realize he has destroyed not only his life but some of mine, his life is in the gutter no controlling that only thing for him to do now is to start fresh and renew himself for all of his vices. Oddly enought if you think about it as much as I wish this didn't happen to me at the same time im a little glad because without this who knows who i'd be. This all just came out I just couldn't resist the fact that I've been holding this in so long not really telling anyone how i truly feel. This is not something i'm proud of, something I really want to forget but theres no way that I can do that because this is an everlasting memory in my mind because of the fact that it has brough so much pain and terror upon my life.

THE END





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