Pain, an emotion that coursed through my veins stronger than blood as I watched, as I wondered, as I hurt. The destruction of a life is terrible, but when the receiver is doing the destruction it is nothing short of horrific. When I saw him memories flooded me like a tsunami. Envy, jealousy, love-emotions I felt so often as a child. He stood before me as a king. His movements, smile, glance- I so desperately tried to mimic, failing every time. He was the definition of perfect, everything I wanted to be. As a child, I stood unaware of the actions he committed-hidden from me the sorrow and the grief. But sorrow is an excellent seeker, and nothing stays hidden for long. Pain found me; innocent, vulnerable, and the holders of the shield became weakened and defeated, unleashing all the shame and guilt on a girl who was never meant to see any. The gold silhouette faded from my king. His crown crumbled and the fine clothes of silk and velvet became rough and worn before my eyes. The mask came off and with it the brother I had ever known.
November 8, 2011