Four Friends

November 3, 2011
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I couldn’t believe it, nine months gone with a single text; he couldn’t even call. It took me a moment to change my relationship status, and only another moment for people to begin commenting. I had many phone calls and even more texts. I was given many apologies, simple, “I’m so sorry.” And even more asked what had happened. I cried to everyone who called, being honest with what the last two months had held for me. Not many seemed concerned with how I felt, most seemed more intrigued with the story.

So I left my phone, laying lonely on my bed, and headed outside. I walked into my pasture, where I was watched by my four horses. I walked to each of them, talking quietly. I don’t believe that I even knew what I was muttering to them, but whatever it was, it gave me comfort, for they couldn’t ask me a single question, or give me a single response that would cause me tears. I checked their water, it was full. I checked their salt block; it didn’t need to be replaced. I headed to the tree, nearest the gate, and slowly sat, my back laid against the rough exterior of the tree.

I sat there for a long time, looking at the horses that were mine, at the horses that I had neglected for nine months, only for a boy who had done me wrong. My dry cheeks became moist once again, as my tears resurfaced. I cried for the stupidity I felt towards myself, for believing in someone who falsely cared. I felt anger, anger for he had known of the pain he would one day cause me, due to his insidious game. My vision was blurred, and that was fine with me. I didn’t need to see anything. I didn’t need to see the long grass that filled the outskirts of my pasture, or the hay that was scattered about from the afternoon feed. I didn’t need to see my dog chasing something unseen to me. I didn’t need to see the happiness and simplicities of life around me, for I wasn’t happy; my life was not simple.

My tears ceased to end, and my sorrow continued flowing throughout my heart. I kept asking myself why and more often how, I wondered if I would ever heal, if I would ever trust again, and if there would ever come a guy who I would love, one who would love me back with honesty. Although, my endless questions were interrupted when I heard movement, when I saw, through my blurred vision, one of my horses reaching my feet. It made me laugh, for the first thing that I always teach a person is to never sit down near a horse, for if they spook, you may be trampled. At that moment, I had to laugh out loud, for I knew that there was no danger surrounding me. I knew that no matter what the noise may be, my mare, standing next to me, would not spook; she was not going to leave.

She entered my complete view, by bowing her head down to me, inches from my own. She smelt my hair, as she always does, as if she’s assuring herself that yes, it is me. She looked into my eyes, with hers so big and knowing, and she stood there, motionless for a while. She allowed me to lay my head to hers, mine so small in comparison. I wondered how she could have known, for she was showing emotions similar to mine. She felt what I was feeling, and she surely didn’t like it.

I stayed there, with my head rested against hers, the first horse that I ever owned, the first horse that I had ever fallen in love with. I didn’t move, I only cried. After many moments, moments that seemed to heal something that none of my phone calls did, she slowly backed away, looking towards my knee, which was propped up by my other leg. She lowered her head and began nibbling, harder and harder, until finally she bit down, causing me to move my leg to safety. I looked at her, and just before I was about to scold her, she gave me a look, one that reminded me of the look I give my friends when they need to rise, when they need to stop feeling pity.

So I stood. I stood and I looked around. Once again, my mare had caused me to laugh out loud. My tears ceased, and for the longest moment, I watched my herd surround me. I watched their movements, the sorrow in their steps, yet the care their eyes held. In that moment, I no longer felt pain for what had happened; I only felt guilt, guilt for ignoring the four souls in my life who care about me the most.
My horses will never leave me, they will never lie or cheat, yell or cry. They will always be there, they will always be there to help me onto my feet and carry me through my toughest times. A best friend doesn’t have to be a person, and to be a man’s best friend, or in this case, a woman’s, it doesn’t have to be a dog at all.





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nikkigonefishin said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 1:19 am
This is great and I especially liked the ending because its true, friendship can be found in anyone. I also liked how it ended with a feeling of hope and I'm glad you stood up again:)
 
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