I Will Wait Forever

October 26, 2011
By , maylene, AL
what sucks is waking up knowing that the best thing that you have ever
had, will ever have, or could even imagine....that you lost it. i wake
up everyday and think i lost this girl. this beautiful amazing caring
talented girl and she loved me. i lost her. the craziest part is that
you know that no matter who your with that they will never be her. this
girl loved me like crazy she would do anything for me and she did. she
gave me the world. she was young and in love with me dumb love the good
love and i used her. like bad. i didnt know i couldnt see she was the
love of my life. really and i know she was because every moment i think
about the moment i think how much happier and how better it would be
with her. its like every time i do something new. i could be so happy
with this girl just to take a nap. like a nap. i would be the happiest
girl in the world just to take a nap with her. thats crazy. i hate that
shes gone. i feel empty every morning every breath i feel like nothing.
and you know she was the other half of me i knew who i was gonna be
with her and i wish she could of asked me what i want. because as
chessey and gay and as much as she would never believe any of this what
you want is what i want to be. i really am having to start over. like
all over. i dont know who im going to be anymore. i love her. i still
want to marry her. i know we would work i know i could make her as
happy as she makes me. and i would try to do that for everyday. i cant
ask for any more chances to be with her. she doesnt even love me
anymore. thats tough. im not mad. i guess i just dont understand what
happened. because if she would sit and talk with me she would see i
changed to. i dont want to be dumb anymore. i dont need other girls
because they dont make me feel how i do when im with her. she would see
im not the same and she says neither is she so how does she know im not
who is meant to be. i mean im not a guy i wish i was for her. i wish i
could be perfect just so she could have evreything she has ever wanted.
the kids. the wedding. the family. the life. we have the love. i would
give her all of me i want to. it feels right i want to be so incredible
for her. i want to give her the world. marry her. wake up to her each
day. guess thats just a dream though cause the reality of it is its a
nightmare, it would be so hard for us to be together im not scared i
would hold her hand the whole way in fact. ill be what she needs. ill
be the one she can count on. but she doesnt want that from me. and i
dont want anyone else. so i guess that makes me alone trying to fill
something that only she holds s*** what am i gonna be without her i
dont know. i dont want to be anything. im not giving up but i wont keep
trying. i love her to much. she wants to have a family. i could give it
to her just not how she wants to have it. im not immature, i know i
have been. im finally grown up. i know what can happen. if we tried
this love of ours i would be disowned from the family and she tells me
to keep it it would be a regret i guess that she doesnt know that she
is my family. i love her like she is a part of me. i dont care if they
dont support me only she can see whats inside of me how good i can be.
i love her i have the ring beside me. she cut me off when i wanted to
see her. i know she loves me she has too. she promised me. she
promised. i cant give up. i hate im not a boy. i hate shes not beside me.

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