My life

October 17, 2011
By , Hillsdale, NJ
My journey through life has been one that I will never forget. Going through things that you only see on TV or in the movies. From being raped at the age of 14 to losing two friends and a Grandfather all within 11 days, ending with a suicide attempt. I consider my story to be one that has made me a strong individual. I am not mad that I was raped because I have grown to become a stronger person morally. I might have cried after all those deaths, but I am happy that they are in a better place looking down upon me, guiding me through life. My suicide attempt made me realize that life is to precious to just throw away so abruptly. I would never change anything that has happened.

My only wish is that I could have known what was going to happen so I could have prepared myself for a life of pain. I took all my anger and hurt out on myself. Harming myself to release all my feelings. I couldn’t talk to anyone about what happened. All I could do was to put a smile on every day pretending that I was happy with my life, while I was thinking about all the ways that I could end all that pain that I was feeling. No one could have picked me up when I felt so low.

April 22, 2010 was the night I planned on ending everything. Never having to deal with wearing a mask to cover up what I was feeling. It felt like the right thing to do, while I was so low. I had the perfect plan, to end the pain once and for all. It never crossed my mind that I was hurting the people around me until my best friend, who is more like my brother, called me out of no where. He called because he had a gut feeling that something bad happened to me, so he called to make sure I was all right. I was in the middle of attempting, when he started to cry and tell me how he really felt about me. He is the reason why I am still here today.

Each day is still a challenge; there will always be that helpless feeling inside of me. I have made so much progress in the years that have passed. I have brought myself back from the bottom of my life. I have found different ways that I can express myself. My passion and love is dance, the one thing that I will always have no matter how I am feeling. Dance will always be the one thing that brings me close to the heavens and show my friend Kevin and my Grandpa that I am dancing for them. When I dance, no matter if I am good or not, I still have the passion and the love of dancing that will show through every move I make. My journey isn’t ending, it has only begun.

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