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Why You?

You looked at me with those eyes and I knew what was coming. With anger, you threw my phone back into my hands and shoved past me without saying a sound. I couldn’t forget the words you had yelled at me just moments ago.

“I don’t care.”

I knew you cared. I knew that the texts you had read so causally were getting to you and that you were finally done. What had gotten into me? I confided in another guy for the words of affection I hadn’t been receiving from you. Maybe it was the way you treated me. Maybe it was the attention you put into other girls and not me but something made me snap. It was never supposed to get as bad as it did. A little compliments and I would have left the other guy with no time to blink. My mind flashed back to just this past week. You had yelled at me. You had called me ugly and worthless and messed up. The saddest part about it was that I believed you because I confided in him. I told him everything you had said to me. I let him hold me. I let him call me beautiful, and I let his words take my pain away. I had let that stupid boy get out of hand. I let the situation get out of my control, and I was going to be paying for it.

I brought my mind back to what was going on, and saw that you were already ignoring me. You couldn’t even look at me, so I walked home. I was grateful it was raining so no one could see the tears slowly coming out and pouring down like the rain above me. This is the end, I thought. I am about to lose the most important person in my life over one stupid thing I had let get to my head. I began to think of everything that could possibly happen. Every word that you could possibly say to me.

I got home soaked but not really caring. I did my normal chores and sat down to work on homework. Half way through, I just couldn’t stand the voices in my head, so I laid down to dream the thoughts away. Later on, I awoke to your song blaring from my phone. “I hate that I love you..” The lyrics flowing from the song were true. You made me happy. You made me laugh like no one else had. You made my heart skip a beat whenever I saw you, but the way you treated me filled me with anger. I could hear the words of my friends speaking out to me in my head. “You deserve better,” or “Why do you let him do that to you?” These were the thoughts that ran a mile a minute through my head constantly. The only answer I could come up with was that I loved you. You were the first guy I had trusted with my everything. The guy who held my heart, and for that, I couldn’t possibly stand to live without you.

My mind snapped back to the song still playing on the couch. I got up and just looked at the screen. Your name in italics with a heart shone brightly in my eyes. I started to cry, and I put the phone down again hoping that more time would help me better deal with what I knew was coming. I sat down and ran my fingers through my hair, salty water running into my mouth as I sobbed uncontrollably. Why did this have to be happening?

I finally got up, picked up my phone from the place it lay at, and dialed your number. As it rang, I prayed you would pick up with the same voice you always did. The same loving and excited words that left your mouth every time we got on the phone every night. Instead it went to your voicemail. I couldn’t believe this. I dialed your number again but instead of calling, I typed the words I wish I could speak.

“Please answer the phone. Please. We need to talk. Lavon. Please understand.”

The mere minutes that passed after I pressed send seemed to be the most agonizing seconds of my life. My head knew exactly what you were going to say but my heart was praying for a miracle.

“No. We’re over.”

I stared at the words. Why? Why? Why had it come down to this? We were supposed to be the invincible couple. The two that always got back together no matter what the problem was because we were in love. I remember one time when you played a prank on me. You told me we were over just as you did mere moments ago. Except then, it was only a joke. You had played it a couple of days before April Fools so I wouldn’t catch on. I was upset for days but when you looked at me and told me you were sorry, I forgave you. I always forgave you..

“You’ve done the same thing to me. Why is this time so different?”

I was crying. I was once again soaked in my tears. I couldn’t bear this. I couldn’t take the pain of losing you. One night, many months back, we had promised each other that we would never let go. No matter how tough things we got, we would be there for each other, and our love would keep us together. I guess that promise was a lie.

“Stop. I’m done with the bullshit.”

What had happened to us? The smiles and laughter had seemed to be fading. Our arguments had become more frequent. We argued over my overprotectiveness and things you were doing. That wasn’t bullshit though. No that was just who were were. We fought. We cried. But in the end, we would always come back stronger than ever.

“You’re about to let me walk out of your life for good. Are you sure you want to?”

I knew you didn’t want me out of your life. You were mad, sure, but it was all going to be all right.

“I’m positive. Do us both a favor and don’t reply.”

No.. Please don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this to us. I couldn’t see straight because of all the tears blurring my vision out. My nose was stuffed, and I could feel the puffiness in my cheeks. Instead of listening to him, I said my final words..

“I love you. Please don’t forget that. Bye.”

I looked at what I had typed. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I couldn’t say goodbye. More tears came as I knew what I had to do. I looked away as I pressed the center button to send the message. My life seemed to be over. You. One guy. One guy had made the biggest impact on my life. One guy had destroyed everything I knew as right. One guy. You. Why you?





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