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Love Causes Pain
I move back and forth on the old wooden swing, not knowing what to do or what to say. I feel like a zombie. I want to say something, but I’m worried that it will come out wrong. I want to do something, but I can’t move.
“Tiffany” came a distant voice that sounded like it was miles away and would take forever to get to me.
What in the world is she talking about?
“Tiffany” she exclaimed more loudly. I kept swinging feeling the cool night air through my thin PJ’s. Stars making it easier for me to see Amanda’s tear stricken face. You could see the pain in her face and taped right in the middle of her heart.
Oh I get it! I’m Tiffany! If I didn’t know any better I would think that I was her best friend and that is why she’s telling me all this right? Because I’m her best friend and she trusts me to keep this to myself?
“Tiffany, are you there?” she asked from the swing next to me. Amanda’s head bowed low as if she was praying and when she looked over at me you could see the tears in her eyes. If you looked closely enough it seemed like they were getting bigger and bigger as the time went by when in all reality she just couldn’t stop. It brought so much pain in my heart and made by body ache all over I felt like if one more tear dropped from my face I was going to have to get stitches to tape my heart back up again just to find out that the stitches will fall out when the hearts not healed.
“Yah I’m here” I said starting to catch on to the true meaning of her words starting to hit me. “How could you stepmom do this to you? Are you sure thats what happened? She was always so charming when I was around. What made her act different when it’s just you and her?”
Suddenly there was a shiver that rose from my feet, up my spine, through my brain and out my ears as she slowly lifted up the legging of her worn out blue pajama pants and revealed something awful. I shook with fear and hurt and pain and everything else thats been in me for so long. I shook for Amanda as I thought about what she was going through. I shook for my mother who had once been in an abusive relationship. I shook for her stepmother realizing how quickly someone can change within themselves. I shook for everyone and everything that had to go through what Amanda went through.
“Do you promise that you won’t tell anyone?” She quivered, scared that I would say something and she would get in trouble and hurt again. She didn’t want to risk anything that could cost her something that wasn’t worth losing. I wasn’t going to say anything. I’ve already caused enough pain for her in the past and its not right to put her through more then she can handle at a time.
I’ve had it. She gets beaten up and pushed down a flight of stairs and she don’t want me to do anything. I quickly jumped off the swing while I was still in the air and I bursted like a balloon after its been hit with a tack. It stung bad. I am not going to watch my best friend get hurt like that again and me not say anything about it.
“Amanda, you are in pain and if you don’t do something now then it will keep happening. It always does.” I cried while I felt my mouth quiver and hurt with fear.
“If you don’t promise me, then you aren’t a very good friend.”
“If I don’t say anything then that is what makes me a bad friend Amanda. If I know that you are hurting and I don’t say anything then that is what makes me a bad friend!” I screamed, realizing that I was in more pain then I could bare.
“Tiffany, please promise me.”
“But I...”I stuttered not knowing what to do. This isn’t an easy promise considering it’s one of the hardest things that I will go through with a friend.
“Promise me” came a stern voice which reminded me of my mom in one
of her ‘moody’ days.
“Fine, I promise” I hurtfully exclaimed. Exhausted with defeat. I thought I would be the one to win. I always do when I am the one that is right and in this case, that should be one of the times.
“Does your dad even know” I suspiciously asked. Hoping that he did.
“I don’t think so and I don’t intend on him finding out. Got it Tiffany?”
We have known each other since we are 3 years old and we do everything together. There are so many emotions running around in my head and it hurts. It feels like the emotions have cleats on and they know its hurting but they won’t stop.
I have to do something, but I promised Amanda that I wouldn’t tell anyone. Would I be a good friend if I broke the promise and told, or would I be a good friend if I didn’t say anything and just pray that it wasn’t going to happen again? I had a choice to make and could be the hardest one I will ever have to make.
That night, I decided to do something that could change the course of mine and Amanda’s friendship. I was going to be a real friend. I was going to break a promise. I was going to tell her dad. I might lose her but it won’t be for good. If I let her be in the environment that she is in for the rest of her life then I might lose her for good. Everyone’s right. Love Causes Pain.
I told Amanda’s dad but it turns out that he already knew. He was looking through the door when it happened, he just didn’t want to do anything because he thought she deserved it. Three months later he went to jail for neglect.
Amanda’s stepmother didn’t stop for the next three months until she went to jail with Amanda’s dad for abuse.
Amanda got my mom to hire a lawyer for her and fought to get her dad and his girlfriend in jail. No matter what her family did to her she couldn’t go up there and testify against them so she had my mother do it for her. She won. She sooner moved away from Springfield, Maine and moved to Austin, Texas with her aunt.
I haven’t seen Amanda in a very long time but I think about her all the time. When I see a news story on TV about a kid getting abused I think about her and sometimes I can feel a cool, wet tear fall down my face. I miss her and I always will.