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Reality Hits Home

“Can you be my safe haven”? ,I whispered within the ears of my favorite stuffed animal. ”She” , and yes it was a she; was a lamb. And because of young intelligence and theory, I decided to name her “Lamby”; an ordinary name I would suppose. I pressed on the soft nude of her ears, and began to massage gently back and forth; and hoped that somehow it heard me. Maybe some magical connection would occur, making my wish come true?, I thought. Silly thoughts and silly dreams!!What was I doing wishing on something that only took place in movies? This was the real world, and it was screaming for me to get my head out of the clouds. Here I was 14 years of age talking to a stuffed animal, acting as if a child, clueless and naïve of what is to come. “ Hmm.. guess dreams never do come true, I would of never guessed”, I said aloud. I took a deep breath, then shooked the negative thoughts that raced through my head, too much thinking could only lead down a bad road. For others that may be different, but my reality of it has always stayed the same. I finally let my own fatigue and weariness get the best of me, and my eye-lids close for the rest of the night.



School, it was time for school. As I laid there half awake, I went through the events and thoughts of the day before. I told myself aloud that, “It had to get worse before it could get better”, and as the last word was said my eyes began to tear up. I had to get everything off my mind, so even though I dreaded school; I dove right on in as soon as I could. Accomplishing as much as possible, to leave less time for my mind to unwind back to “old time”. Reality hit soon though, and I quickly thought about how what was “old time”; was only as old as yesterday. With that said, I felt a heartache, that had made sure I felt the hurt and pain of the day before. I told myself that this was nonsense, that I had seen this coming for years; so why the act of shock and hurt? I honestly didn’t know, at least that’s what I told myself. Maybe honesty had told a bitter truth, one that I wanted to hear; instead of one that I needed to hear.


The truth is I didn’t want to hear the words my parents had said so many times before, “ Sorry kids, but we are over”. And suddenly the words, “ We are over”; had more definition and meaning to me. It was a weak sugarcoat of the dreaded word no kids should have to hear, “ Divorce”. This word was a sweeter way of saying, “Hey kids your mom and I don’t love each other anymore for whatever reasons, but we still love you; even though we are about to make your life living crap.” No amount of sugarcoating could do this word or the act of this word any good; it would always remain pure evil and misunderstood. As all these thoughts occurred, I grew something angry inside. “Something”, and thoughts I would not like to share.



I decided it was best to put school aside and take a nap, even though it was still early in the afternoon. I held security in hoping, that the nap would leave me to awake refreshed and open-minded. The sooner I could stop stressing over all those thoughts and worries, the sooner I could be happy. With my head to the pillow, my eyes fluttered open and shut; more thoughts raced around all looking for different answers. Then all of a sudden one thought seemed to come to a concentrated focus, “ What was happiness?”. An adrenaline rush had come on by that moment, I wanted to feel happiness, live happiness; have happiness. My eyes had finally locked shut, and hoped to dream of happiness. But the truth would always remain, through dreams and no dreams; my parents were about to get an ugly divorce. And that was when reality hit home.




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