My Reflection on a Question

October 6, 2011
By Anonymous

“Have you ever looked in the mirror and loved what you see? Love, I mean really love what you see of yourself? I never really understood what that feels like. Every time I look I get a different view, few of them being positive ones.”
A question like this makes a true friend typically think, “That is not what I see in you.” Why she felt this way I don’t understand. It was different with her. Every day in school I could hear so many girls complaining about how fat they were when they were skinny…and knew it. I could overhear them saying how gross their hair was while in reality, loving the way their hair looked that day, just wanting that little extra bit of attention from the person next to them to… I don’t know; maybe reassure their confidence or something.
This question, I heard from a friend, was different. It wasn’t just about looks and feelings. It had such a powerful depth to it when it was spoken. She asked me I think because she may have believed I asked myself the same question. This friend wasn’t like my others. Not the type who sits there, complaining about their lives when others have it so much worse. This question she asked me was one that was honestly searching for an answer. Such a good friend and overall nice person that this girl was. Extremely strong about sums up what I could say about her; knowing what she has been through.
Maybe it’s our past that makes us love ourselves less than we should. I could really see it in her eyes when she asked me if I loved myself. I could see how she didn’t. I could see how she wasn’t looking for pity or for me, or to feel sorry for her, she was looking for an answer; that answer being, “Yes I love who I am.” Not from me, but from herself. What she wanted was to look in that mirror and love the girl she saw, not doubting if the love would last till the next day.
I felt so sad for her. I never thought that she really wondered about things like this. I know how everyone does but the way she sounded had such a true meaning to it. It’s hard to explain what I heard behind the question, but I understood what she was feeling.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Few of us realize how great our lives are. I mean no matter how bad a situation is, anyone and I mean anyone, can find something worth being thankful for. This can be something not even that important, but it really is the building blocks to loving ourselves if we don’t.
This question may have been simple, but it got me thinking. It theoretically sent me on a mission. I wanted to help her see everything that was good. All the good she had lying within her, weather she could see it or not.
I say this from personal experience. I have been in those times where you hate everything about life. I realized one day that it wasn’t life I hated it was my feelings towards life. Think about life itself. It’s amazing. Just the birds chirping when we get up in the morning, as corny as it sounds. But it’s a part of the world we live in.
It finally came to me that my friend needed to go beyond herself to find that love. To love herself she needed to see her affect on the world. All I said to her was “You come here to school everyday, in art class, and you sit and talk to me. You understand what I am going through and you’re here.”
That sentence came much later, after her question, but it meant something to her; and to me. It was her answer. Her being there in art class kept me loving myself when I found it almost impossible to. Her showing up there kept me going even though I hated life at the time. That right there, was one of the few reason there were for her to love herself.

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