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What Makes Me Mad.

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I’m not perfect and I know that, but I sure have changed. It makes me mad when people look at you or you’re having a conversation and they just treat you like you’re a stupid person, just because of my past? Is it because I’ve been through tough situations? That I use to get in trouble a lot and made the wrong decision? Alright let’s just clear some things up, I made the wrong decisions, I got in trouble, I never listened, I fell into peer pressure. The worst part of all is I gave up on myself, when I tried to change nothing seemed to work I went back to my old ways. No one had the time for me; I decided to give up on trying. Everything I ever lived for… gone, nothing mattered to me anymore. “God please let me change, the way I’m living, the way I act is not the person I want to be. I want to be the fun-loving spontaneous person I use to be. Please help me, give me the guidance I need to be a better person. Amen.” I said a prayer then sunk into my bed and pulled my covers over my head, wishing to never wake up in the morning. Having such a terrible mind set with so much on my mind, makes it harder for me to fall asleep, with so much regret on my shoulders I lie in bed wide awake and just think. I wish I would have never done the things I did, most people would say everything happens for a reason and there glad that they went through the things they did because they learn from the mistakes they made and they don’t regret anything. I don’t see how I could ever think that. At this point I feel like I’ll stay this way forever, when I just want to escape. I think to myself “I will regret those decisions for the rest of my life”. Morning comes and not one bit of sleep I got. I get out of bed, drag myself to the bathroom and get in the shower, I get ready for my day and go to school, I come home, day in and day out I do the same thing there’s nothing I ever get excited for anymore.

My mom came to me one day and started talking to me about why I changed and what caused such a dramatic change in my personality. She can see how sad I am everyday and knows that I just want to change and escape this monster I have created that I call myself. She tries to help me, telling me what she would do if she was me; we both agreed that it’s time for me to change. My mom told me that I should never give up on myself and to still be a strong person through even the hardest moments in my life, that she will always be there for me when I need it the most and that everyone that I’m surrounded by cares for me, will always love me no matter what and be there as well as my mom. A rush of happiness hovered all around me, I’m so thankful that I have such amazing people around me to care and love me when I needed it the most. It was almost as if I was metaphorically blinded by instances in my life to never realize how blessed I am to have people that care about me. It’s crazy how people can change you and your morals so quickly but I’m so glad in this case that they did.

So when people are going to sit there and call me stupid because of my past when they don’t even know me, realize what you’re saying, because the person I am today is a completely different person then the person I was in the past.





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