Am I Gay?

September 24, 2011
By Anonymous

"Why don't you shave your legs?" she asked me. Before that moment I didn't even notice my leg hair. I didn't even know I was at the "right age" to be shaving me legs. I've seen the commericals for shaving cream that makes your legs soft, but their's always adults on the TV, never 12-year-olds.

A week later she asked me, "Are you lesbian?" "No." Of course I instandly said no. Even if I was, would I tell her? I started questioning myself after that. After she asked me if I was gay. Am I? When I see pretty girls, I think, "I want to look just like them, I wish I could be her friend to know what she uses." You know, to know what makes her look pretty, I don't think, "I want to date her." I've had crushes on guys before, it totally takes over me and I sort of, 'stalk them' but avoid talking to them. I'm not one of those girls that walks right up to the boy and says, "What's your name? I like you. You want to go out?"

I started wondering the reason why I hadn't had a crush on anyone that year was because I was gay. Or worse, bysexual. My dad hates gays, he thinks that theirs something wrong with them and gets grossed out whenever he sees one or hears one talk. He tells me all about them, how he saw 50-year-old men holding hands at a car show once, or saw some girls kissing each other on the side of the street one day. If I was gay he wouldn't love me anymore and would totally disown me.

I don't mind gays, or bi's, as long as they don't love me in that kind of way. I wouldn't mind having a gay friend, again, as long as they didn't love me in that kind of way. I wondered to myself, "Am I gay" for months. Then I started answering, "I didn't even think about being gay until that b**** brought it up, so I'm not." What do you think? Am I gay?

The author's comments:
I believe I am not gay now.

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