I wonder if you ever wish that my Daddy had taken the extra minute to put on a condom. DO you ever go back in time in your head to 1994 and live out the last days that led you to this life? Did you cry when you found out? Did you cry the sad tears? I picture you and your perfectly innocent life. In a college dorm. Wearing pink gelly shoes and rainbow beaded earrings. Did you curl up your legs and hold them tight? I picture you in a fit of uncontrollable sobs. In a bunk bed. Wearing your cute little bare feet and a necklace with a gold cross. Did you fall asleep with nightmares of me? I picture you, scared, so scared, and alone. On the floor. Wearing me in your perfect pregnant belly. Did you wonder if I’d have curly hair? Did you even care? I picture you, tired, wishing you were free. In the car. Wearing maternity jeans and red slippers, on your way to the hospital. Were you excited to meet me? I picture you, terrified, wanting your Mommy. In the hospital bed. Wearing a paper napkin gown and needles in your arms. Did you hope that I was worth it? Did you hope it would be me? And Mommy? One last thing. Did you ever love me?
Mommy, I Wonder
September 10, 2011