Dear Whatever's out there,

September 10, 2011
By Anonymous

It's me again. I used to pray really hard to you when I was little all the time, but you didn't seem to be hearing me. I'm sure you have a lot of other things to do, anyway. They say that this is the digital age and so maybe if I write it on here, you'll stumble across it.

For a really long time, I was mad at you because I had places to go, but nowhere to really "be". I had places to sleep and eat, but nowhere to really live my life, and flourish, and experience. Mom was really sick for a long time with something she infected herself with. I remember when she used to be pretty and young. Have you seen her lately? Her cheeks have caved in from all the use, her skin is blotchy now, and her eyes are sunken, and she's missing some teeth. She's gained back the weight though, so now I can hug her again. Thank you, whoever you are, for helping her sober up.

I really only need one more thing.

If you find the time, could you give me the strength to tell her that I'm gay? I know it's sort of against the rules. But you must have had some sort of plan for me, you made me this way. Now that she's her again and things are better, I don't want to infect our relationship with this. It seems trivial, to just crush her hopes for a happy daughter with this news. But I don't want to hide anymore, and I want our relationship to be real.

The fact is, I am gay, and no matter how many nights I lay in bed and wish it away I will always be a "faggot". If I could be different, I would. I don't want to make my mother cry. But I am gay. And if you could just help me with one more thing, higher being, I will be out of your hair forever.

Please just give me the strength to reach out and help her to understand, and please give her the strength to accept me.

Thanks again.
--This kid.

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