A year and a half ago i was sexually assaulted by my supposed boyfriend at school. i couldn't leave and i was scared to death. he forced me down on my knees. i hated myself afterwards. and so did my family. my mother punished and so did the school board. i was suspended from February til the end of the school year. i didn't understand why i was being punished for being sexually assaulted. my cutting got worse afterwards. i didn't eat some days. i have nightmares from the assault still and wake up screaming. i hate myself for being so weak but i hate my family more for not supporting me. sometimes i want to slap them and yell till they hear me. i was disgusted with myself and still am sometimes today. i find myself scrubbing my mouth with my toothbrush or digging at it. i ran away in August of last year but my mother found me. then in February i attempted suicide. i think the anniversary of the assault got to me and being back at school. they tried to send me to a hospital but i ended up not being a harm to myself or others yet. i got help after that. I am still a cutter and a Anorexic nut i am determined to push past everything and get better. i hope by next year i will be a recover cutter, anorexic. its still hard for me to talk about but its getting easier. i have a hard time at school. i get scared and break down. i have attempted school three times in the last year and its never failed. I'm going back to school in four days and want to stay. I'm not going to let him win.
A diffult time
September 2, 2011