Sticks And Stones Won't Break His Bones But My Words Kill Him

By , Goodyear, AZ
I wish it wasn't possible.I never meant to hurt him.If only it was impossible to hurt him emotionally.I know he can't fight my words.Yet I am the dagger that sits in his heart and slowly slips closer to the center,not releasing it's tight grasp.I have slipped so deep,his eyes are dull when his gaze casts upon me.I tell him I'm sorry,though those are empty words in his mind.

I wish my Father would understand that I meant it.Though after I told him I wanted to leave him for never being home and leaving us with his girlfriend,I don't think he can see me as that same sweet little girl who loved him and took every opportunity to be with him.Now all he sees is the is the thirteen year old monster that has torn his heart so bad he is scarred eternally.Before I told him that,his heart was healing from another wound.

I had felt so unloved,like the ugly yet kind spirit that no one would dare look at.I had caused so much chaos.I got my first F in sixth grade for not trying at all.I was disagreeing with orders given by my parents.My dad's girlfriend was the only one I truly got brutal with,as far as arguments go.By the time she had decided to send me to my room a evil and sarcastic grin would cross my face,my head held high to assure her she hadn't won.When I was at school I would lurk in the shadows of the buildings or sit in thee dugout alone.I despised school,I didn't want to go home either.That was when I noticed a new choice.I could run away from my troubles!

I drew up a small,brief sketch of my school campus.Then as I studied it I looked at my escape routes.I decided to leave the next morning,I hadn't thought about the date.It was one day before my mother's birthday.I had a companion with me.She was a friend of mine who wanted to leave too.To be honest leaving was her idea.I went along with her.

A couple of hours after we left our school campus on our journey we were almost to our day one destination.Our feet ached as we heaved our huge backpacks along.Without any notice,a police officer pulled over on the side of the road next to us.Before he had gotten out my friend tugged my shirt and whispered the word run.I shook my head in disagreement.The officer walked up to us.He asked if we knew anything about the two missing students.Our eyes grew large as we told him no.He looked at us,his eyes filled with suspicion.He asked us if we were lying.We said no again.He pulled out a paper and read off a description of one of the missing girls.It matched my friend's description exactly.He asked us once again if we were lying.This time we confessed.I was frightened,I still feel uneasy near police.As we were climbing into the vehicle I watched a red truck pass bye but thought nothing of it.

As thee cop's curiosity slipped into questions I let my fear take over me.When I'm afraid I don't usually cower and slump back in my seat to try and hide,instead I become hostile and snappy.I growled my replies.To my surprise he was still calm and not harsh.I wondered if he really did want to say something cruel and just bit it back.

We arrived at the parking lot of our school.My fear increased even more when I saw a pack of policemen awaiting our arrival.The senior officer that had caught us opened the doors and we slid out.He urged us to a spot beside one of the trees beside the school front.He then ordered us to stay put and that if we ran we would be captured immediately,without any further ado he went over to the others of his force.We stood there alone out of earshot.Now was my chance to show my fear to my accomplice.

I felt thee harsh words pour from my mouth like a waterfall of hatred.She seemed shocked,but she nodded in agreement.I paced back and forth,my hands clenched up into tight fists.She looked a little furious as well,but she stayed silent.

Soon the cops came over to us.I looked at my friend as they guided us into the front office.As we entered the doors the cops led us different ways.I wanted to run back to her side but I didn't.I approached the Principal's office,this was the room I was to wait in.Luckily,the principal wasn't there to scold me for my actions.But there was a strange and uncomfortable loneliness.I waited there for what felt like a century before someone had come in.This man was no one I recognized.He had sandy colored hair,calm blue eyes,a kind face,and he wore a blue collared shirt,and white sport pants with what I believed was a tape recorder attached to a lace around his neck.

He was friendly yet I was trying to figure out what he was up to.I struggled in my seat feeling sick to my stomach with guilt.That was when he began his questioning.He asked me why I had left,if my parents abused me,if I was emotionally upset,or if I had hurt myself with blades on purpose.I was a little shocked by other uncomfortable questions.I told him my reason but answered no on the other personal questions.He got up out of my Principal's chair and said good day before he left.By that time I was still a little worried,but stopped snapping.My voice quivered.I sat in that room alone for another thirty minutes before a cop came in to see that I was escorted to the next room.

I went willingly,what I saw next destroyed me.I saw my mother in tears and my father as close to tears as I have ever seen in my life!They both turned to face me.I wanted the earth to swallow me up into the darkness and lock me there for eternity.The pain in their eyes was unbearable.I was about to turn and run out of that room but the officer in there called my name and ordered for me to sit down.I did as I was told but didn't look them in the eyes.This officer was harsh with his words.Each true Fraze hit me like a dagger.He then told me to look at the damaged I had caused.He told me to look into my mother's beautiful eyes.They were filled with tears of worry,fear,betrayal,and fear.I couldn't hold my true feelings anymore.I sobbed knowing what I had really done.My heart hurt so bad from what I had done that I had to hold my chest.After the meeting was over there was no eye contact between anyone.I saw my aunt waiting for us.I swallowed hard as I told her I was sorry.

She told me it wasn't me she was here for,but my mother.I couldn't blame her.My mother had gone through more than me.I had put her and my father in a horrible position.When I saw my father he seemed angry now.His voice stern with mistrust.I flinched from his wrath.He asked me if I knew he was right behind the police when the senior officer found me.I gasped in shock.It was his red truck that had passed bye!He knew where I was going all along.But he couldn't get out fast enough because the detective had questioned him for awhile.He looked me in the eye and said that he knew who I was.That he knew where I was going,what kind of friends I had,what books I liked,and he was right about it all.

He knew me better than I knew myself.He has been there to try to support me and I let him down constantly.I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have.I can hardly look into his eyes.I am too afraid to see his disappointment.Too afraid of seeing no love in his gaze,I don't know what to expect anymore!





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Warriorsfan said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 10:56 pm
-.-,This hurts to read what I already wrote.It brings back memories.
 
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