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Oh hatred! Why have thou found thee?

Oh I remember it. I remember it all...
I remember the tears...
I remember the blood...
But most of all...I remember Adam.
I met Adam the day after Valentine's day 2010. It was a lengthy meeting, one I would remember for the rest of my subtle days. He came into my life, became the love of my life within a matter of four hours. I loved him so much I swear I thought i was going crazy. I was clingy yes, and he hated it. But how could I not cling when his emotional distance stretched farther than the Nile river? I couldn't help it. I tried to change, but I just couldn't with him. It seemed like our relationship got more and more strained after the one fight we had. It hurt so bad to see him that angry...he yelled so much I was crying my eyes out because I knew it was all my causing. I accused him of cheating...which I shouldn't have...but he certainly was capable. He screamed his heart out as if I just killed a family member of his or someone else. Everything was fine afterwards...but my heart was still reaching from my pitiful accusations, and his heartbreaking words.
He left me 25 days later...and I didn't believe he was gone until July 10th...he left me April 29th.
After July 10th, I began cutting again, which I figured I stopped. I have been doing it since February 15th, 2009. I tried to stop for Adam, and my best friend Darrya (even though she had no clue I even did it), but I had no choice. The last time I did it was April 26th, due to my long-stretched depression that I have carried for the past five years of my life. I stopped, turning away from my urge to do so. But after I finally believed he was long gone...I did it. I just couldn't stop after that. I became I cold hearted person, not loving anything, Not my family, not anything but my best friend Darrya. She was the only thing I had left, and she stood by my side through everything. She still does so to this day. Yeah, I tried to fall in love again, but I just couldn't. It was like I was frozen in a time warp. It got even worse when Adam came back to me. My heart lurched with excitement and anticipation of being with him just once more. Maybe we could rekindle this romance and never let it go. One problem: he let go again, after the same amount of time that we were together the first time. This time he didn't just leave, he cheated, found someone else and just broke my heart afterwards. I was crushed, but this time, I think I became stronger. I was heartbroken, yes, but not as devastated. I let go, and that was the most painful, smartest thing I have ever done.
Goodbye Adam Joseph Borowick...I have let my love for you go so I can finally live in bittersweet peace...





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