Insecure

By , Sioux Falls, SD
"You made me insecure. Told me I wasn't good enough..."

She let everyone walk all over her. Even though it hurt her. Her family hurt her, her friends hurt her, guys that liked her and school mates laughed at her. She was bottled up inside seeking for air to breathe. A place to think. Some place to feel safe. Some place that would feel like home. Even her own bedroom didn't feel like it was something she could call her own. It felt like a bottled up cave. Her mind was getting to her. She couldn't breathe. Every little thing was overwhelming.

Eating disorders took over her life, they ruined her. Of course they didn't get very far. She didn't want people to notice. She didn't want to be laughed at because she was too skinny this time. She needed help. She told her best friend that it was all fine and dandy, and she even faked a laugh telling her best friend that she was fine. She obviously lied. She felt like her whole life was a lie. She was fragile. She looked like a raisin. She sure felt like one. She wanted her self to be beautiful. She wanted someone to love her. Everything was caving in, it felt like the walls were caving and the room was getting smaller day by day.

She finally told her best friend that she wanted help. But then, she backed out. She told her that she was fine again. Said that everything was alright and that she was beautiful in her own skin. She really didn't feel that way. She lied to her self every day. All she wanted was to please everyone. She only cared about others and what they thought. She told me that when she stood in front of the mirror she saw a big blob. She only weighed about 115 pounds.

She finally found an online counselor to help her. She didn't want her parents finding out. She didn't want to get in trouble. She also didn't want them to laugh at her. Tell her that this is just a way of getting attention, and telling her to get over herself. She didn't feel wanted. She also didn't want her parents to say that the world doesn't revolve around her. She didn't even want to be noticed. She felt sick for even thinking these brutal thoughts. After all of the extreme feelings inside of her, she finally felt her friends and family starting to love her. She still had some of those thoughts and the laughter haunting her. But, she won't let anybody get in her way, or let them walk all over her. She's done with the Eating Disorders. Done forever.

"I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me." -- Selena Gomez





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