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The Morning I Thought I Was a Goner

I knew something was wrong as soon as I woke up. I felt tired and weak and so heavy. The room was spinning and I felt a sickly lump in my throat. My mother ask if I wanted a drink of cold milk, it wasn’t like I had a choice. I can’t even move my mouth. I had just had my 3rd or 5th reconstructive surgery on my mouth. You see I was born with a severe “Bilateral Clef, Lip and Palate” sense I was a baby I’ve had multiple sergeries to correct this defect. I was 17 then and it hasn’t been easy.

I can tell it wasn’t going to be a good day. They discharged me the week before and I haven’t been able to sleep at night so far. I was very frustrated. If I don’t get sleep, im not myself. I asked my mom if she’d help me take a shower. I want my life back, there was no amount of pain that will keep me from the shower. My mom knew that very well and didn’t protest.

“You don’t want to eat?” she asked, while indicating to my little brother to help me get out of bed.

“No, I’m not hungry” I lied, I was starving.

Once I was out of the shower, I felt a whole lot better. I was smiling and laughing with my mom. She was talking about something I don’t quite remember and all of a sudden I felt this stabbing pain on my lower back. I pulled the toilet seat down and sat. I’ve felt this pain before, that’s when my body is telling me to sit myself down before I…

Anyways then I felt the pain jump from my back to my side. It was a horrible pain. Worst than I felt before. I was getting a cold sweat and I can feel myself getting hot headed. My mom tried to calm me but I was already in a panic. I couldn’t breath. I knew I was going to pass out there was no contest. I was waiting for the blackness. The fear in me was over whelming, I was so cold. You know that feeling the Abraham Lincoln had before he died? Now I know how he felt. I was so cold…I had I feeling this was it. This is going to be the end of me. For good.

I could tell my mom was worried and scared so I spoke for the both of us.

“ I’m scared--”
“Its going to be all right, honey stay calm.”

I was beyond scared…I was horrified… what’s going to happen next?

“I can’t breath!” I was gasping by now “Ma-miiii”

I closed my eyes then laid my fired-up head on the cold wall. "Me voy a morir, Dios ,me voy a morir.I'm going to die, God, I'm going to die!" Those were the only words my mind can up with at the time. Then I heard a ringing in my ears…it was getting louder and louder. My heart beating harder and harder.I getting colder and colder.

My mom grabbed my arms and pulled me closer and I was sitting straight up again. My head hurts really bad.

"Que pasa?!”, now my mom was in a panic. I can feel myself shrivel up inside. Yep I’m a goner alright. Then I saw a bright light before I heard my mother scream.

“QUE TE PASA?!---” I couldn’t respond, so she screamed again for my dad. “JORGIE! CALL NINE-ONE-ONE--NOW!”

Then blackness…

(TO BE CONTINUED)



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